Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

What's the difference between vetran and my septic tank?

My septic tank isn't full of tulip. (I expect to tell the same joke in 2 years time and may even use this post as a reminder as to when I last had it emptied)

[vetran]

Didn't know Alexei was their new driver?

James May 'was rushed to hospital after crashing into a wall at 75mph during filming for the Amazon Prime show' The only thing to improve this episode would be if Clarkson were in the passenger seat.

[vetran]

I don?t think the Man Utd WAGs have anything to worry about. I've not seen a bunch of men play away so badly in my lifetime.

[WTFH]

I've almost finished my A to Z of Lionel Richie songs, but I'm stuck on u.

[WTFH]

Lots of people in my meditation class have complained about the teacher so now he has been referred to the ommmmmmmbudsman.

[WTFH]

*Enter New Password*


PopeyewithnoSpinach



*Password is not strong enough*

[WTFH]

It’s my wife’s birthday in a couple of weeks and she’s been leaving jewellery catalogs all over our house.



So I've taken the hint and got her a magazine rack.

[WTFH]

I opened 3 birthday cards yesterday and I feel so grateful for all the money I received.


Being a postman has such great perks.

[WTFH]

I feel so lucky to have my sheepdog because good ones are hard to come-bye.

[vetran]

one for Warty:

I walked in the pub with my missus and the barman said, "Punching above your weight there aren't you, pal? Where did you find her?"

"I met her in Thailand," I replied. "We're due to get married next month."

"You don't want to get married," he said. "That's when the blowjobs stop."

"I don't mind that," I replied. "I hate giving them to her
anyway."

[vetran]

I've had a brilliant idea, where illegal immigrants have to hunt down child molesters for a chance to win citizenship.

It'll be called aliens vs predators

[WTFH]

The Verve are playing a gig at our dilapidated village hall.


It will have to be an acoustic set though, because the plugs don't work.

[WTFH]

Today someone told me I am average.



I told them that’s just mean.

[ladymuck]

Jimmy Choo used to be called Matt Choo but changed it because he was sick of everyone saying "pitchu?" whenever he introduced himself

An alternative...

[NotAllThere]

I'll never date a mime again, they're just too quiet in bed.

Oh, but the skillful hands!