Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

My dad used to have a job at a helium balloon factory until they let him go.

[vetran]

Nothing makes a 4th of July more independent than shooting off fireworks that are made in China.

[vetran]

Phew. Independence Day over and no alien invasion to deal with. I was worried - Will Smith is always involved and is clearly Earth's primary defender. He knocked one of the invaders out with one punch back in the 90's, but his lame Chris Rock bitch slap shows Earth's is now vulnerable to attack.

[vetran]

There was a young man from Poole, Who found a red ring on his tool, So he went to the clinic,

But the doctor, a cynic, Said, use WD40, it's lipstick, you fool.

[vetran]

My son begged me to buy him a Theremin.

But then he never even touched it.

[vetran]

Doctor, doctor. I keep thinking I'm a supermarket.
Doctor: How long have you felt like this?
Me: Since I was Lidl.

[vetran]

Flaming British tradesmen!
Just paid a chippie £300 to build me a double bed and the idiot has done a bunk!

[vetran]

First time I met my wife I immediately thought "what an arse"
Sadly, so did she about me.

[vetran]

Welcome to the Assumption Club.

I think we all know why we're here.

[vetran]

'...My Dentist says I need a crown.

FINALLY!

Someone who appreciates me.'

[vetran]

Nobody was interested in my carpentry class until I offered to teach them how to make glory holes.

Now they're all coming out of the woodwork.

[vetran]

What's black and white and desperate for attention?

Gary Linekar

[vetran]

If it weren't for Arabs we'd never have 9/11.

Instead we'd have IX/XI.

[vetran]

Texas says abortion can remain legal but the baby gets an AR-15 to defend itself.

[vetran]

My grandfather broke his leg by standing on a door mat.

I probably should have explained the concept of a helter skelter.