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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    One for Paddy!


    I'm not embarrassed by the number of women I've pulled.


    I'm embarrassed by the quality.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

    My boss asked “what companies? “

    Gas, water and electricity

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    If you’re a tattoo artist who gives free tattoos in exchange for being flashed at....

    Are you a believer of tit for tat then?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    What does the study of magnetism and self abuse have in common?

    The Right Hand Rule.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The Russian army orders 100K rubbers from a US company, specifying 12" fit needed.

    The US firm fills the order with packaging marked "MEDIUM."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Today I watched a documentary about crustaceans and I saw a crab take another crab's food...

    ...crabs can be so shellfish right?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Dave: "My Dad says You're spying on us...!"

    Zuckerberg: "He's not your dad"

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I was trying to put a new bag in my bin but it just kept saying "no, no, no" it was a refuse sack.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I can't wait until the year 8008 so we can all write BOOB without getting into trouble.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The Head Chef always goes off on one when my batter isn't light enough.

    He has a proper tempura tantrum.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    My dad always turns his head slightly away from the printer when he's using it

    Apparently he can only see it in his peripheral vision.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

    One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Earlier this week I climbed Mount Everest in 48 hours.


    I got back home and have spent 72 hours undoing the top of the Listerene Mouthwash bottle....

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The new royal baby has been named Jamie Hewitt Mountbatten-Windsor in honour of her grandfather.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    On the motorway If the variable speed limit says 50 miles an hour through roadworks and you are stationary for an hour when the road clears can you then floor it and do say 150 miles per hour + as your average speed would be still 0?

    Asking for an Audi driving friend.

    Leave a comment:

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