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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    My friends were all eating fruits from a pyrus tree, and they all kept telling me to try some too!

    But I don't give in to pear pressure
    I had a similar issue in the House of Lords. Judgmental bastards.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The rooster teaches us it is perfectly natural to start your day with a couple of screams.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Are Viagra jokes classed as stand-up comedy?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Man dies after inserting bath tap into rectum.

    It was a fitting end.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    My friends were all eating fruits from a pyrus tree, and they all kept telling me to try some too!

    But I don't give in to pear pressure

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    '...A dog and a cat are having an argument about who is the favourite of humans.

    The dog says, "Humans like us more. They have even named a tooth (canine) after us.
    Naming such an important body part after us shows they like us more."

    The cat smiles and says, "You are really not going to win this one you know."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Having a candlelit dinner with the wife tonight.



    The electric bill's just arrived.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    I found out my doctor’s only been prescribing me placebos but the joke’s on him as I’m not really ill.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.



    Schwepped her off her feet.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much...

    It scared me so much that today I’ve decided never to read it again.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    Left some fruit and vegetables outside my house with an honesty box.

    When I returned, there was a note inside the box telling me I’m far too old to be wearing skinny jeans.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    A defendant gets found Not Guilty of stealing a car.

    So he says to the judge: "Can I keep the car then?"

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Amber Heard arrived at court yesterday three hours too soon.

    The security guard said "your're early, tulip the bed?"

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    one for WTFH

    I joined my local group of Onanists Anonymous, at the first session the facilitator asked "Has anyone accompanied you tonight?"

    I said "No, I come alone!"

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Me: Howard.

    Her: How do you know His name's Howard?

    Me: Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name...

    Leave a comment:

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