Having a candlelit dinner with the wife tonight.
The electric bill's just arrived.
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Reply to: Please put more jokes here
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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"
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I found out my doctor’s only been prescribing me placebos but the joke’s on him as I’m not really ill.
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A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.
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Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much...
It scared me so much that today I’ve decided never to read it again.
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Left some fruit and vegetables outside my house with an honesty box.
When I returned, there was a note inside the box telling me I’m far too old to be wearing skinny jeans.
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A defendant gets found Not Guilty of stealing a car.
So he says to the judge: "Can I keep the car then?"
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Amber Heard arrived at court yesterday three hours too soon.
The security guard said "your're early, tulip the bed?"
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one for WTFH
I joined my local group of Onanists Anonymous, at the first session the facilitator asked "Has anyone accompanied you tonight?"
I said "No, I come alone!"
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Me: Howard.
Her: How do you know His name's Howard?
Me: Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name...
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I just invented a new food called 'something'.
People are always saying you should eat something. I'm a genius.
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Cryptosporidium - An illness that makes people tulip themselves when their Bitcoin has gone into free fall
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Originally posted by WTFH View PostMrs V: It’s not working out between us. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.
Vetran: I understand. And for the main course?
Yours on the other hand married you because you are a huge penis?Last edited by vetran; 15 May 2022, 12:14.
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My boss told me that as a security guard it's my job to watch the office.
I'm not sure what it's it got to do with security, but I'm on season six.
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However the Russians have established air superiority by now.
Their Flying Tank Turrets are a hit.
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Putin explains to Chinese President Xi that he’s fighting a proxy war against NATO.
"How is it going" asks Xi
"So far, we’ve lost a flagship, 20,000 troops, 8 generals, 500 tanks and 100 planes”, says Putin
"What about NATO?” asks Xi.
"They haven’t turned up yet.
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