Why would you run from the Police?
Well, for starters, they can't tell their Glock from their Taser.
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
Reply to: Please put more jokes here
Collapse
You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:
- You are not logged in. If you are already registered, fill in the form below to log in, or follow the "Sign Up" link to register a new account.
- You may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system?
- If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.
Logging in...
Previously on "Please put more jokes here"
Collapse
-
I was standing in line, waiting to get my hair cut, when I realised that nobody had even started a fire yet.
I thought, "This is a tulip barber queue."
Leave a comment:
-
I went to the doctor's. I was concerned about my hearing and being unable to father a child.
He confirmed I had hearing problems, but it wasn't all bad. He also told me I was important.
Leave a comment:
-
Originally posted by vetran View Post'...Queen Elizabeth and Princess Kate are out motoring through the hillside when the Bentley they're driving breaks down. The driver has to go for help, and while he's gone some scumbags come across the stranded royal couple.
Leave a comment:
-
'...Queen Elizabeth and Princess Kate are out motoring through the hillside when the Bentley they're driving breaks down. The driver has to go for help, and while he's gone some scumbags come across the stranded royal couple.
"Ain't you the Queen?"
She confirms she is.
"Where's your tiara?"
She tells them she left it at home.
"**** me! Just my luck! Ain't you the Princess tho?"
Kate says, " Yes."
"Where's that bloody big Sapphire from your hubby's dead mum?"
She says she left it at home.
"BUGGER! I guess we'll just have to take these lovely wheels then. C'mon now! Out the car! Step lively and keep walking or there'll be hell to pay, you snooty *****!"
They shuffle down the road a bit and the Queen says to Kate, "I know you were wearing your ring! What happened to it?"
She replies with a blush, "I hid it... Up there..." pointing to her crotch.
The Queen chuckles.
Kate says, "But Queen, I know you were wearing your tiara when we left!"
Her Maj confesses that she hid hers too... In the same location.
Without a second's hesitation Kate says, "Dammit! If Fergie were here we could've saved the ' Bentley!"
Leave a comment:
-
Racing pigeons will be released in Windsor in tribute on the day of Prince Philip's funeral.
Jesus Boris, what state have you left the Airforce in?
Leave a comment:
-
I got searched by the police, he said "What are these seeds?"
I said "Those are Chia seeds."
He said "Bollocks, they're marijuana seeds."
I said "I know, marijuana cheers me up."
Leave a comment:
-
Ray Liotta's daughter's name is Karsen.
I always thought it was Tarka.
Leave a comment:
-
I went into an electrical shop and asked the shop assistant "would somebody help me to choose a kettle"
He said "yea of course, kenwood?"
I said "can you get him then please?"
Leave a comment:
-
Dear Agony Aunt,
At 13-years-old, me and my best friend have discovered we are both gay and want to try mutual masturbation, but we're too shy. What should we do?
Agony Aunt: Oh for God's sake - Just pull yourselves together.
Leave a comment:
-
Prince Andrew wants to dress up as an Admiral for his father's funeral. Rather fitting, given Prince Philip's recent need for multi-car insurance.
Leave a comment:
-
one for Panto...
My wife saw Reese Witherspoon this morning. I saw her yesterday but she had a knife and fork then.
Leave a comment:
-
I prefer to do arithmetic when I'm naked.
It's easier to count to 21.
(23 if you are having a ball!)
Leave a comment:
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- Top 10 worst company names Today 08:11
- Top 10 items to recover VAT on as a limited company IT contractor Yesterday 11:00
- What contractors need to know about trivial benefits Yesterday 08:47
- Contractor guide to the VAT cash accounting scheme Apr 14 08:36
- Contractors' Questions: What is a Mini Umbrella Company? Apr 13 21:28
- Why our technical report on umbrella companies is a warning to contractors Apr 13 09:39
- Top 10 tips for choosing an umbrella company Apr 13 09:36
- Demand for IT contractors rocketed in March to 32-month high Apr 12 19:25
- ‘How Contracting Should Work’: MPs issued 12 recommendations on IR35 reform’s eve Apr 12 08:04
- Demand for IT contractors rocketed in March to 32-month high Apr 12 07:25
Leave a comment: