Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

A Polish man walks into Specsavers for an eye test. The optician shows him the test card, and on it says:

"C Z W J X N Y S A C Z"
The optician then asks him "Can you read that?"

The Polish man says "Read it? I know the chap"!

[vetran]

I went to visit my wife in hospital and took her flowers.

My girlfriend will love them.

[vetran]

I was showing my mate my new golf ball.
"It's impossible to lose," I said. "If you hit it into the rough it sends out a GPS signal so you can track it down."
"That's great," he replied, "but what happens if you it hit into the water?"
"Simple. The ball floats to the surface and tracks its way back toward you and you just scoop it back out."
"Brilliant!" he said, "Where did you get it?"
"I found it."

[vetran]

Paddy said "Vaseline plays a very important role in my sexual relationship with my wife."
Mick said " That's interesting Paddy but I thought you had a little dick."
Paddy replied " I have, but I smear the vaseline on the bedroom door handle so the misses can't get out!"

[vetran]

A man in his 60s has been hit by a car on a main road in Hyde.

What sort of a idiot goes bird watching in the middle of the road?

[vetran]

Wise old Chinese man say man who walk through doorway sideways with erection always going to Bangkok

[vetran]

A Belgian farmer has accidentally moved part of the French border!


France are tulipting themselves and say they dont want any trouble

[vetran]

I just fell over in the library. It was in the non friction section

[vetran]

I first met my wife when she came into the welding workshop that I worked in.


There were sparks between us

[vetran]

"I don't believe in God and all that rubbish. I'm a realistic girl and I need evidence before I believe in crap like that...

I'm a typical virgo".

[vetran]

The doctor looked at me intensely. "Years of alcohol abuse have taken a terrible toll on your liver. You should seriously stop drinking immediately."

"**** off doc," I replied. "You always say that when it's your round."

[vetran]

I laughed at my mates when they said vaccine is Bill Gates way of putting a mind control chip into all of us.
“Where is your proof” I said.
.....now I read Melinda agreed to an amicable divorce without taking him for every penny.

[vetran]

Before the Derek Chauvin verdict, my daughter said, "In the USA a black man has NEVER been treated favourably by the criminal justice system !"

"What about O.J. ?"

[vetran]

Turns out someone has cloned my Microsoft Office License. I will find you, you have my Word.

[vetran]

Two MPs overheard in the Commons talking about the proposed Covid passports: ‘They should be called the ‘‘John Prescott’’ to prove you’ve had two jabs.’ The old Labour bruiser — nickname Two Jags — would doubtless approve.