Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[sadkingbilly]

A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry into Trading Practices by Britain's leading Bank Executives is stuck in traffic. Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to return their extravagant Pensions.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the hold up Officer?" The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of the shame of what he has done."
"Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a collection because we feel sorry for him."
The lobbyist asks: "How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies: "About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still siphoning."

[ladymuck]

[WTFH]

With the rocketing price of petrol, I've now filled the lawnmower up with vodka.


The grass is half cut.

[sadkingbilly]

[WTFH]

I didn't believe my wife when she said she'd joined a Moroccan tribute band for The Monkees.
And then I saw her Fez.

[WTFH]

One that you may have to explain to the youngsters....


I lost my pizza wheel, so I ended using a Bryan Adams CD.
Cuts like a knife.

[WTFH]

When Siri calls you Shirley instead of your real name, check your phone isn't in airplane mode.

[WTFH]

The postman told me this morning he’s off to Spain tomorrow, so I asked him if he was going to Parcelona.

He didn’t laugh.

Maybe I didn’t say it right. The key to a good mailman joke is all in the delivery.

[WTFH]

Interviewer: Can you explain this large gap in your resume?

Me: Yes, I tried to move an image in Word.

[NotAllThere]

Can two languages be use in one sentence, or is it mischung impossible?

[NotAllThere]

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

Doyouthinkeesaurus?

Took the grandkids to a dino park today and that just kept going through my mind.

[WTFH]

What do you call a half-Iranian, half-Russian fireman?

Amir Panickova

[sadkingbilly]

my friend writes songs about sewing machines.
- she's a Singer songwriter.

[sadkingbilly]

If England didn't have a word for chocolate until around 1605, what was the War of the Roses all about?

track rods ???

[WTFH]

If England didn't have a word for chocolate until around 1605, what was the War of the Roses all about?