Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Prince William stuns passers-by as he's spotted selling The Big Issue.

**** me, this cost of living crisis is getting ridiculous.

[vetran]

I went to Cash Converters today trying to raise some much needed cash for Christmas.

They gave me £3200 and they never even took the gun.

[vetran]

Just nipped into Sainsbury?s for a Christmas card, but spent 20 minutes in a queue at the self checkouts.

I ended up complaining to the staff about all the inconsiderate people using the Card Payment Only checkouts for their grocery shopping - they didn?t understand me?

[vetran]

What do you call a hippo with one leg?

A hoppo

[vetran]

The wife rang me at work & said - "I've left you for a black man. He's witty, charming, considerate, generous & he pounds me all night with his Anaconda-like cock"


Bugger. But at least I know it's not Lenny Henry.

[vetran]

The TV licence man knocked at the door today.

I showed him my licence from 2003.

He said "This licence is twenty years old and out of date.

I said, "So are your programmes"

[vetran]

There's a secret to making Postman jokes

It's All In The Delivery

[vetran]

Zephaniah got the Bengal lancer
He searched for a cure, looked for an answer
Into bed he was tucked
And now he is ****ed
For his latest poem, get a necromancer

[vetran]

The man Benjamin Zephaniah
His works didn?t fail to inspire
But his cancer ailment
Proved his final derailment
And here is his funeral pyre.

[vetran]

'Mrs Brown's Boys creator Brendan O'Carroll felt 'embarrassed' and 'angry' as he blasts Dublin rioters-'
"It's a shame u don't feel that way about Mrs Brown's boys!" The reporter replied-

[vetran]

I've just been up the attic to get the decorations down and come across a present I forgot to give the kids last Christmas.


It's a bloody shame as well as they would have loved that kitten.

[WTFH]

My mate called in sick to work today.

His boss asked “How sick are you?”

My mate replied “I’m in bed with my nan.”

[vetran]

My wife asked me to help load the washing machine.


There was too much so I just threw in the towel.

[NotAllThere]

I was going to see my GP to get my veruccas treated with liquid nitrogen. But I got cold feet.

[vetran]

You know you have drunk too much
When out of a blurred haze, appear the words

Armitige Shanks