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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    The other day, my wife accused me of dressing up as Matt Damon's secret agent character.

    She must think I was Bourne yesterday.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    The human variant of bird flu recently detected in the UK has been called Crowvid-19

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    "Did you know Joseph Stalin had a prosthetic made out of a vegetable?"

    "Really? The dictator?"

    "Oh, I heard it was his leg".

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    Vin Diesel eats two meals at the start of each day:

    Breakfast
    &
    Breakfurious.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    At the police station I claimed that the reason I broke into that guy's house is because I thought he was a dangerous lunatic and that he possessed some dangerous illegal weapons which I wanted to rid him of.

    I wonder if I'll get a knighthood for this?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    So basically when porn stars take off their clothes.

    They're getting dressed for work...

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    What do vampires drink to get drunk?


    Bloodweiser

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    I wanted to tell a joke about vaccination.

    But you wouldn't get it.

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    An electron goes into a bar. The barman asks him "Where's proton?"

    "He couldn't come. He's positive".

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Former Labour Prime Minister Tony Blair is made a Sir in the New Year Honours list. He's in good company...Rolf Harris, Jimmy Savile, 'Prince' Naseem, Robert Mugabe, Benito Mussolini, Stuart Hall.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Think I'll declare war on Afghanistan or somewhere like that.

    I quite fancy a knighthood.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Have you donated money to the Conservative party but not yet received a Knighthood?



    You may be entitled to compensation...

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The answers to last week's Meg Ryan quiz were:
    yes, yes! YES, YES!

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I've been watching a lot of "reality" porn lately.



    You know, where the couple go to bed but never have sex.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Boris Johnson held and emergency cabinet meeting today.




    Tomorrow it's going to be Pinot Grigio.

    Leave a comment:

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