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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    There's a new Indian restaurant opening in Bradford called The Giant Peach.

    Their specialty is rolled daal.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    American reboot of the Thomas the Tank Engine series has modern animation.

    Thomas is black, gay, 40 stone and carries an assault rifle.

    Leave a comment:


  • Paddy
    replied
    I put my old dogging kit up for auction on eBay. No bids but 25 watching.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    What?s the difference between politicians and lawyers?

    A politician lies about everything. So does a lawyer, but in Latin.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Saw a rhinoceros prostitute last night.
    Same as any other, but she just charged more.......

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Apparently the producer Phil Spector's brother worked for Walkers in Quality Insurance.



    Crispin Spector.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I'm not saying my mother-in-law's fat, but when she went for gender reassignment surgery,
    the doctor told her - "what's the ******* point, you won't be able to see the thing anyway"

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I left my last girlfriend because she wouldn't stop counting.
    I often wonder what she's up to now......

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Originally posted by NotAllThere View Post

    Eh? Aren't they usually full of contractors at the Christmas bash?
    You can stretch to more than £30 a night if you take the company secretary!

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    Baby Jesus was born in a stable as there was no room at the inn.

    So their Premier Inns were full of illegals too then?
    Eh? Aren't they usually full of contractors at the Christmas bash?

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    Who is the fastest member of the orchestra?


    The Lightning Conductor.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    Favourite cracker joke this year:

    Why was Comet angry with his wife?

    Because she went to Las Vegas and blew 50 bucks.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Modern politically correct version of old jokes:

    Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains, well you are then

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Every time I get something stuck in my throat, I dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager.

    It's known as the Heineken manoeuvre.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Decided, for the first time, to try the Sales - it's doing my head in.
    Went to Boots, they don't sell boots..
    Went to Currys, they don't sell curry..
    Went to Selfridges, they don't sell fridges..
    And as for Virgin Megastore, what a ruddy let down that was!

    Leave a comment:

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