Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

My wife asked me to help load the washing machine.


There was too much so I just threw in the towel.

[NotAllThere]

I was going to see my GP to get my veruccas treated with liquid nitrogen. But I got cold feet.

[vetran]

You know you have drunk too much
When out of a blurred haze, appear the words

Armitige Shanks

[vetran]

I was so excited when I learned I was the sole heir to my late Aunt's estate!
Until I realised it was a Lada.

[vetran]

Attention, health warning!

Talked to this teenage single mum the other day. Said she "fell pregnant" again

Sounds like it could happen to anyone... walking down the street, trip over a kerb, land on an erect penis

So be careful out there

[vetran]

Diane Abbot was seen with a big banner at the rally today with a picture of Morph on it, as she demonstrated against the Israeli attack on the Plasticine People

[vetran]

About right :

We drew a bunch of funny lines 100 years ago and now we get to watch them become a war zone all over again.

[vetran]

I identify as non-binary; my pronouns are off / on.

[vetran]

Sunak appoints Cameron as Foreign Secretary


Pig fecking mistake

[vetran]

Look, I'm all for colouring books...

But dot-to-dot books?

That's where I draw the line.

[vetran]

Can Joaquin Phoenix succeed in his new film role, "Napoleon"?

Corsican.

[vetran]

I came home to find an Amazon box on my doorstep.
A little voice suddenly said "what time do you call this? where have you been?"
It was a very suspicious package.

[vetran]

I learnt how to deliver a baby today.
You have to tape up their mouths, so they don't make any noise, and make sure there's holes in the box, so they can breathe.

[vetran]

I identify as a male dyslexic and my pronouns are hee/himm.

[vetran]

People think politics is complicated and confusing, when in fact there is a very clear guideline to follow:

If it upsets Gary Lineker, you're on the right track