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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    The Archbishop of Canterbury has resigned because his position has become under tenable

    Leave a comment:


  • DoctorStrangelove
    replied
    Stole this one:

    Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching you.”

    He looked around and saw nothing.

    He kept on creeping and again heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

    In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside.

    The burglar asked the parrot, “Was it you who said Jesus is watching me”

    The parrot replied, “Yes.”

    Relieved, the burglar asked, “What is your name?”

    The parrot said, “Clarence.”

    The burglar said, “That’s a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?”

    The parrot answered, “The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesus.”

    .

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Bono promised to drive his car off a cliff if Trump won the presidency.

    I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    What's got four rings at both ends of the bellend ?


    An Audi

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    My mate just quit his job at BMW.


    Of course he gave no indication he was leaving.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    I went to the doctor for a prostate exam recently.
    While there, I could feel a certain stirring which made a question arise that I I asked the doctor:
    ”Is it normal to get an erection during this”
    I was disappointed with his response of “yes, it’s quite common”
    I was hoping for “I’m sorry, sir”

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday...

    They shaved with razor-sharp blade below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the bum crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub...

    Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    My five year old daughter asked me what a 'working girl' is.

    "Erm, it's someone who grows up to be a working woman".

    "Oh' what's a working woman?".

    "blimey, you're going to end up in Number 10".

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    This year I’m doing No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-November - where for the month of November I only listen to 2-Unlimited

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkingbilly View Post



    death by OVERheating? - really?
    waw
    sorry missed that.

    Leave a comment:


  • sadkingbilly
    replied
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    What are the government giving the elderly this winter????


    Hyperthermia
    Originally posted by vetran View Post

    Oddly enough yes from their own calculations.

    https://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...-b2609340.html
    death by OVERheating? - really?
    waw

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Churchill: We shall fight them on the beaches!.

    Thatcher: The lady's not for turning!.

    Starmer: It was an honest mistake that I forgot to declare that a fat, gay Bengali millionaire pays for my wife's drawers!.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkingbilly View Post

    really?
    Oddly enough yes from their own calculations.

    https://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...-b2609340.html

    Cut to winter fuel payment could kill 4,000 people, Labour’s own research suggests


    Analysis published by Labour in 2017 said plans to means test winter fuel payments would be the ‘single biggest attack on pensioners in a generation’

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I discovered a tiny space in a Scotsmans loft, where he was keeping whisky miniatures, I thought this is a little dram-attic.

    Leave a comment:


  • sadkingbilly
    replied
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    What are the government giving the elderly this winter????


    Hyperthermia
    really?

    Leave a comment:

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