Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

I love calculating Pi so much that I do it 22/7

[vetran]

I told the wife I ate Madonna for breakfast.
She asked, "You ate Madonna?
What do you mean, you cheating bar steward?"
I said, "I had a pop tart."

[vetran]

When cannibalism starts, vegans are the closest we have to a free-range, grass-fed meat source.

[vetran]

Me & the wife are getting a divorce & she's already run off with my tins of Bird's & Ambrosia



This is going to be an awful custardy battle

[vetran]

The Indian restaurant my mate works for is so secretive he had to sign a legal agreement that he wouldn't share their flatbread recipe.



Just their standard naan disclosure agreement.

[vetran]

A man is sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you. So, so much"

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me, talking to the beer."

[WTFH]

I identify as anti-perspirant

...and before you ask, yes, I'm Sure.

[vetran]

My Winter Fat is gone.


Now I have Spring Rolls.

[WTFH]

Do you know what really floats my boat?



A high tide

[WTFH]

There is a lot of controversy about sex education in schools at the moment but I can remember how bad our sex ed was.

I remember the teacher coming in one day and told us that we were going to learn how to use a condom.

A banana was then brought out as the the teacher said he couldn't get a hard-on on an empty stomach.

[vetran]

We buy any Car are total rubbish. I took Jimmy and Alan to my local branch but they wouldn't buy them.

[vetran]

What's the difference between Prince Harry and Scotland? Prince Harry was given permission to leave the UK...

[vetran]

I'm not saying I've had a hard day, but I feel as knackered as Carol Vorderman's bedsprings..

[vetran]

...and then he kicked my sandcastle over at the beach and said "That's because you'll never have one!"

--Prince Harry.

[vetran]

I've just bumped into a mate who I hav'nt seen for a while, he says he's gonna divorce the wife because she has'nt spoken to him for 3 months, I told him not to be so hasty and think things thru - women like that are hard to find !