Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

death by OVERheating? - really?
waw

sorry missed that.

[sadkingbilly]

What are the government giving the elderly this winter????


Hyperthermia

Oddly enough yes from their own calculations.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...-b2609340.html

death by OVERheating? - really?
waw

[vetran]

Churchill: We shall fight them on the beaches!.

Thatcher: The lady's not for turning!.

Starmer: It was an honest mistake that I forgot to declare that a fat, gay Bengali millionaire pays for my wife's drawers!.

[vetran]

really?

Oddly enough yes from their own calculations.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...-b2609340.html

Cut to winter fuel payment could kill 4,000 people, Labour’s own research suggests


Analysis published by Labour in 2017 said plans to means test winter fuel payments would be the ‘single biggest attack on pensioners in a generation’

[vetran]

I discovered a tiny space in a Scotsmans loft, where he was keeping whisky miniatures, I thought this is a little dram-attic.

[sadkingbilly]

What are the government giving the elderly this winter????


Hyperthermia

really?

[vetran]

What are the government giving the elderly this winter????


Hyperthermia

[vetran]

Trump claims immigrants are eating cats and dogs.

That's nothing, just wait until winter in the UK, pensioners will be eating Tiddles and Rex as well.

[vetran]

I took my clarinet back to the music shop, "I don't know what it is, " I said, "I can only seem to be able to play one tune on it, Perfect Day, nothing else seems right or in tune. " "Let's have a look, " said the assistant as he dismantled my clarinet, "ha, there's the problem, looks like it was fitted with a Lou Reed. "

[vetran]

classic song

[vetran]

The water in Britain's rivers is made up of three elements. H, for hydrogen O for Oxygen and the number 2 in the middle for all the tulip.

[vetran]

It was good enough for Her Majesty apparently?

'Mother Superior, she's dying. All the nuns gathered round the bed and one nun said "well we must offer Mother Superior a fresh glass of water".

'So they duly did that and Mother Superior dismissed it and said "take it away, I don't want that".

'So they went a little bit further and the nun said "I know, let's capture our very best cow and we'll milk her and offer a fresh glass of milk." They offered Mother Superior this fresh glass of milk and Mother Superior said "don't want it, take it away".

'A very naughty nun said "I know, let's put a real good glug of whisky in the milk - see if that will work".

'So they duly did that and Mother Superior drank the whole darn thing down.'

'The inevitable happened two days later, that Mother Superior is going to pass into the better world, and all the nuns gathered round her bed and said "do you have any final requests", and she said "yes, I just have one: whatever you do, do not sell that cow".'

[WTFH]

Little known fact.Richard Gere’s dad, Gottler, was a famous Swedish ventriloquist.

[WTFH]

A little girl complained to her father,
"Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!"
Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you already have a sister!"
Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"
"Sure," her dad said, pulling the kid's chain. "You don't see her because every time you come in the front door, she scoots out the back door!"
The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, "You mean just like my other daddy?

[WTFH]

As I was watching the Olympics last night, I couldn't help but think of Sir Terry's joke that he used to roll out every games.

A guy sees a man walking into the State de France carrying a long metal stick.
The guy says to him "are you a pole vaulter?"
The man replies "nein, I am German, but how did you know my name?"