Stole this one:
Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching you.”
He looked around and saw nothing.
He kept on creeping and again heard, “Jesus is watching you.”
In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside.
The burglar asked the parrot, “Was it you who said Jesus is watching me”
The parrot replied, “Yes.”
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What is your name?”
The parrot said, “Clarence.”
The burglar said, “That’s a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?”
The parrot answered, “The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesus.”
.
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Reply to: Please put more jokes here
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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"
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Bono promised to drive his car off a cliff if Trump won the presidency.
I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
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My mate just quit his job at BMW.
Of course he gave no indication he was leaving.
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I went to the doctor for a prostate exam recently.
While there, I could feel a certain stirring which made a question arise that I I asked the doctor:
”Is it normal to get an erection during this”
I was disappointed with his response of “yes, it’s quite common”
I was hoping for “I’m sorry, sir”
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I went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday...
They shaved with razor-sharp blade below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the bum crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub...
Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.
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My five year old daughter asked me what a 'working girl' is.
"Erm, it's someone who grows up to be a working woman".
"Oh' what's a working woman?".
"blimey, you're going to end up in Number 10".
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This year I’m doing No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-November - where for the month of November I only listen to 2-Unlimited
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Churchill: We shall fight them on the beaches!.
Thatcher: The lady's not for turning!.
Starmer: It was an honest mistake that I forgot to declare that a fat, gay Bengali millionaire pays for my wife's drawers!.
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Originally posted by sadkingbilly View Post
really?
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...-b2609340.html
Cut to winter fuel payment could kill 4,000 people, Labour’s own research suggests
Analysis published by Labour in 2017 said plans to means test winter fuel payments would be the ‘single biggest attack on pensioners in a generation’
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I discovered a tiny space in a Scotsmans loft, where he was keeping whisky miniatures, I thought this is a little dram-attic.
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Originally posted by vetran View PostWhat are the government giving the elderly this winter????
Hyperthermia
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What are the government giving the elderly this winter????
Hyperthermia
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