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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    I made some French toast this morning.


    Yesterday I made a couple of Belgians some waffles.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    BBC News - John Lennon's eldest son Julian is selling several pieces of music history from his personal collection.

    I had a look, but the good stuff was already gone and now it's much too late for good buys.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The sexy blonde interviewer asked, "What do you see yourself doing in the future?"

    Apparently, "You and your mum," isn't appropriate.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Two men have been arrested following the death of a man in his 30s in Norfolk. His wife and sister have been informed.

    She is said to be very distraught and heartbroken.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I think my wife's having an affair with a lighthouse keeper. Someone keeps ringing the house asking if the coast is clear.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I was reading the paper at home last night, when my wife's water broke.

    As she screamed and held her belly in pain, I thought I'd quickly grab the car keys and my coat.

    With all that noise, I desperately needed a pint.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    For spooter

    I'm not saying that the hotel I stayed in last week was sleazy, but the pages of the Gideon Bible were stuck together.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    "Have you got something in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?"


    "I've got something in my pocket, nan."

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    Two women walking home pissed had to do a pee so they ducked into a graveyard. They had no toilet paper so one woman used her knickers and threw them away. The other used a ribbon from a wreath. The next day their husbands were talking. We'd better keep an eye on our wives, one said, mine came home without her knickers. You think that's bad, said the other, mine had a card stuck in her butt cheeks saying "From all the lads at the fire station, we'll never forget you"

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Because the idiots in marketing never thought / had the balls to run the ad when Andrew first got caught out:

    "Woking Pizza Express - so good you'll forget everything else you did that night."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Got my bloody viagra mixed up with my sleeping tablets last night!



    Managed to get 40 wanks....

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Last night my wife and I started punching each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and singing 'Eye of the Tiger'.

    I think our marriage is going through a Rocky patch.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    I'm thinking of switching my energy supplier from Red Bull to Lucozade.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The other day, my wife accused me of dressing up as Matt Damon's secret agent character.

    She must think I was Bourne yesterday.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    The human variant of bird flu recently detected in the UK has been called Crowvid-19

    Leave a comment:

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