Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

The Verve are playing a gig at our dilapidated village hall.


It will have to be an acoustic set though, because the plugs don't work.

[WTFH]

Today someone told me I am average.



I told them that’s just mean.

[ladymuck]

Jimmy Choo used to be called Matt Choo but changed it because he was sick of everyone saying "pitchu?" whenever he introduced himself

An alternative...

[NotAllThere]

I'll never date a mime again, they're just too quiet in bed.

Oh, but the skillful hands!

[WTFH]

My bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me.




The vet says he's getting better but he's not out of the woods yet.

[WTFH]

"My wife keeps mistaking me for Alice in Wonderland characters."


"Are you mad at her?"


"Oh no, not you too".

[vetran]

Jimmy Choo used to be called Matt Choo but changed it because he was sick of everyone saying "bless you" whenever he introduced himself

[vetran]

The wife said it's not working between us and she's leaving me.
I said "Why what have I done".
"Well for starters you're always telling stupid jokes and puns".
"And for the main course"?

[vetran]

I was born with a rare condition ,, I only had one bum cheek .
Anyway i recently had an operation to correct the problem. I can't thank the surgeons enough. They made a complete arse of it.

[vetran]

When you see deaf couples holding hands, it may be a romantic moment, or perhaps they?re trying to shut each other up for a bit.

[vetran]

I'll never date a mime again, they're just too quiet in bed.

[vetran]

What do you give a lemon when it gets hurt?

Lemon Aid

[vetran]

Quite frankly autocorrect, I'm getting a bit tired of your shirt

[vetran]

Tragic news from the Nestle factory today as a worker was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolates.
He tried in vain to get help but every time he shouted, "The milky bars are on me" his fellow workmates just cheered...

[vetran]

I couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper so tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.



I’m now sitting in A&E waiting to see a cardyologist.

KUATB

You copied me then posted it twice. Not a bad attempt!

https://forums.contractoruk.com/sear...yologist%22%7D