Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

I feel today may be appropriate for sharing this Marc Jennings joke:

I was talking to this guy in Belfast and he happened to be a big sorta DUP-voting loyalist/Unionist guy in Northern Ireland. Then he starts telling me his opinions about the trans community. And I’m all like, ‘oh here we f**king go’.

‘This is what he said: ‘If you’re physically a man, how can you identify as a woman?’

‘And I was like: ‘Well, to be fair mate, I mean, Northern Ireland is physically part of Ireland. You don’t seem to have a problem identifying as British’.

‘I mean, what is Northern Ireland if not a trans country, let’s be honest. And if there should be no-one who’s more pro-trans than a Northern Irish Unionist. Like this guy said to me: ‘These trans people, they’re called one name, and expect you to call them another?’

‘I said: ‘What? Like do you mean like Derry and Londonderry, for example, is that what you’re kinda talking about?’

[sadkingbilly]

Particle physics gives me a hadron.

[WTFH]

One for SKB (Which I just realised is the abbreviation for a former division of Glaxo) …

Anyway, did you hear about the polygamist Hungarian sound engineer?
He had a Romanian wife and…
A Czech one too.

[sadkingbilly]

My mate always turns his head slightly away from the printer when he's using it
Apparently he can only see it in his peripheral vision.

[sadkingbilly]

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....
My boss asked “what companies? “
Gas, water and electricity

[sadkingbilly]

thinking of Vetty:

Some people are like slinkys, totally pointless but the thought of pushing them down a flight of stairs never fails to put a smile on your face.

[vetran]

Although the 20mph speed limit was only introduced last year by Mark Drakeford, 2 per cent of potential visitors were put off by it.
The other 98% are put off by the Welsh.

[vetran]

I went to meet this bird i had found on Tinder. As I approached her house, she open the door in her negligée.

'That's a funny place to have a door!' I thought.

[xoggoth]

One of the few jokes on Quora I found funny (being a rude old git)

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'
Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.'
The last one said,
'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'

[vetran]

Would you like me to spell condescending for you?

[vetran]

Would you like me to spell condescending for you?

[vetran]

I heard aliens are gender neutral. They/them are out there.

[vetran]

When I was younger,my body was a temple..... Now it's a flaming bouncy castle.

[vetran]

[WTFH]

You know who really makes me cross?


The lollipop lady.