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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    Blasphemy.

    It's a victimless crime.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I don't know why I bothered to take my son to see Father Christmas. He'd clearly been drinking and stunk of cigarettes.

    Christ knows what Santa thought of him.

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    WINTER TYRES

    I refuse to fit winter tyres on my car because:
    · It’s my car, my choice, my freedom.
    · The effectiveness of winter tires is not proven, except by studies carried out by the manufacturers (you amaze me).
    · My neighbour, Steve, had an accident after putting on his winter tyres.
    · Some are already on their third set of tyres, which proves their ineffectiveness.
    · We do not know what they are made of.
    · Big Tyre scares us with "winter" just to enrich themselves.
    · In fact, Big Tyre invented snow and they spread it at night while you sleep.
    · If I have winter tyres, the government can track me in the snow.
    · Educate yourself, open your eyes.. Wake up sheeple!

    This year, winter tyres - just say no!

    (OK, doesn't really apply to the UK, since who needs specific seasonal tyres, but it made me chuckle).

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The answer may not lie at the bottom of a bottle, but I always like to check anyway.

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    What started at a pandemic became an IQ test. Since Omicron is an anagram of Moronic, it's clear we've all failed that test.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The Duke of Edinburgh asked the Queen if she fancied sex.

    She responded, "Do one."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The Chinese community in Liverpool always cook in pairs.

    They never Wok alone.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    I wouldn’t say I was angry about my Peruvian ancestry. Incandescent is the word I would use

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Have you heard of the Nu variant?

    Nu variant? What's Nu?

    Not much, what's Nu with you?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    For SE:

    Man lost for words when asked by his wife "what is mansplaining ?"
    Last edited by vetran; 25 November 2021, 15:56.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    That you Boris?

    Breaking News Headlines. The Daily Express have just announced that Peppa Pig is pregnant.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I was trekking through the lake district, so far out that when I looked around there was no one to be seen when I stumbled across a load of TV controllers just scattered around everywhere.

    It was a remote area.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    A Cowboy walks into a German car dealership and says:
    “Audi”

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Thank god. I’ve finally reached the age, where I can pretend to be hard of hearing with my wife...

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Prince Andrews diary has just been made public.

    His last entry was thirteen years old.

    Leave a comment:

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