Reply to: Issue with nosey permie

[Old Greg]

Not alternatively, but in combination.

Here's a conversational gambit to draw him into (for Spartacus fans):

Marcus Licinius Crassus [played by Laurence Olivier]: Do you eat oysters?
Antoninus [played by Tony Curtis]: When I have them, master.
Marcus Licinius Crassus: Do you eat snails?
Antoninus: No, master.
Marcus Licinius Crassus: Do you consider the eating of oysters to be moral and the eating of snails to be immoral?
Antoninus: No, master.
Marcus Licinius Crassus: Of course not. It is all a matter of taste, isn't it?
Antoninus: Yes, master.
Marcus Licinius Crassus: And taste is not the same as appetite, and therefore not a question of morals.
Antoninus: It could be argued so, master.
Marcus Licinius Crassus: My robe, Antoninus. My taste includes both snails and oysters.

[Old Greg]

Alternatively, everytime you know he's behind you turn and offer him a smint/tic tac/hallitosis sweet.

Get the others to do the same.

Not alternatively, but in combination.

[Pondlife]

I like the coughing idea. Straight in his face without covering your mouth. And then apologise. Every time. Perhaps munch on some raw garlic first.

Alternatively, everytime you know he's behind you turn and offer him a smint/tic tac/hallitosis sweet.

Get the others to do the same.

[Old Greg]

Just say Mmm Chianti & Fava beans hsss.

If he says anything just say you were thinking about last nights liver. Smile.

Coughing works.

I like the coughing idea. Straight in his face without covering your mouth. And then apologise. Every time. Perhaps munch on some raw garlic first.

[vetran]

Just say Mmm Chianti & Fava beans hsss.

If he says anything just say you were thinking about last nights liver. Smile.

Coughing works.

[cojak]

Very sorry about that

[cojak]

Email me his email address and I'll send him this:

<tucks away for future reference>

[kandr]

<kandr>
But what if there isn't a Sally in HR? How would that work?

</kandr>

Ok then , summon a dragon from the planet nobo to swoop into your workplace and carry him off.

Or

Reverse time and reject the contract, and take another one instead.

[Scrag Meister]

You're right. It'll never work. I apologise to the OP for getting their hopes up.

What no photo of his wife in a frame on his desk?, or better still on the memory card in his digital photo frame?

[Ravello]

Put a small webcam on top of your monitor facing where he stands.

Either:
- leave it recording permanently and use it to gather evidence;
- take a single picture with a date/time stamp each time he's there;
- have an app open which is permanently displaying the image and Alt-Tab to it when he is there so he can see himself watching. Tell him Sally in HR suggested you do that so she can watch him watching you.

<kandr>
But what if there isn't a Sally in HR? How would that work?

</kandr>

[suityou01]

WCMS

I did this with a knee-stroker on a plane once.

After the third touch I turned to him and said that there wasn't a lot of space on these planes, was there?

He went red, mumbled something and I didn't have a problem for the rest of the trip.

Very sorry about that

[RichardCranium]

Email me his email address and I'll send him this:

Dear Pervert.

You don't know me because I'm just a bloke on the Internet.

But I know all about you, and so does everyone else.

Stop invading your colleague's personal space and gawping at their screens. It is upsetting them and they are all talking about you behind your back.

If you stop, they'll forget all about it, I am sure.

This is in your interests as staring at another person's screen like that is in contravention of Section One of the Computer Misuse Act 1990.

Yours sincerely,

Richard Cranium Esq.

[cojak]

Ask if they'd like you to reposition your screen so he can see everything properly.

I usually find this works and the individual is a bit embarassed to be caught out.

WCMS

I did this with a knee-stroker on a plane once.

After the third touch I turned to him and said that there wasn't a lot of space on these planes, was there?

He went red, mumbled something and I didn't have a problem for the rest of the trip.

[RichardCranium]

As he is leaning over, without stopping working (as if you didn't know he was there) quietly whisper: "I can smell you".

[RichardCranium]

Each of you have your camera phones at the ready on your desk. When he is leaning over your shoulder, pick it up and take a photo of him doing so.

When you have a few of these, each of you change your PC's desktop image to one of the others' photos.

Or, all of you change your screensaver to be a rolling slideshow of those photos.