Reply to: Modem fault prevents me getting coffee

[Mich the Tester]

Far too lazy to read it all the way through, but are you basically saying it's your fault?

Partly, yes; some problems are my fault for taking a simplistic view to testing in the past; just taking the 'requirements' for granted and checking for compliance, where I can really help the client (if he wants it) by looking beyond requirements to the real environment in which a system works.

[NotAllThere]

You have hit the nail on the head in respect to frustrations with problematic systems, crap helpdesks and bureaucratic organisations that can't actually help ...e bobbified consultancies and thereby justify decent rates way above the 10 dollar per day plenty cheapness.

Far too lazy to read it all the way through, but are you basically saying it's your fault?

[Mich the Tester]

You'd think, that the sensors to operate the flush and sink might have given it a clue that someone was in there, but I guess the use cases didn't cover failure to lock the door properly.

You have hit the nail on the head in respect to frustrations with problematic systems, crap helpdesks and bureaucratic organisations that can't actually help customers.

The impression I get from 15 years of administering and testing systems is that systems and processes are designed with the following false assumptions;
- the input into the system (locking the bog door or inserting customer data) is correct, and as soon as it is stored in the system it becomes an unassailable truth
- if a process or procedure is followed correctly, there will be no problems
- following the process in the same way time and time again will always produce the same results

Let's examine these assumptions and their consequences. Firsty, input into a system is less predictable than we think; users are humans, humans make mistakes, humans don't always immediately understand what is being asked of them, and different users interpret questions differently. My bank is convinced that I am two different people, because when I opened a second account, the account manager filled my name in incorrectly; there is no possibility in their system to alter the name once it is connected to an account. There may be very good reasons for this, but nobody thought to set up a means of solving the problem. (Similar to Bill/William Bryson's problem earlier in the thread). Consequence can be serious, both in terms of the bank's admin(which is a mess anyway) and in terms of customer dissatisfaction. Imagine the consequence when interlinked databases belonging to banks, the tax man, the police, or worse still, dna databases and criminal databases continually exchange faulty data; clearing up the fault can be impossible because no individual organisation accepts that their data may be incorrect.

Secondly, any process or procedure exists in the context of its surroundings; the people, the systems, the regulatory environment. Any automated process exists in an environment of networks, OS changes, changes in other parts of an application, changes to metadata etc etc. That means that any process or procedure is liable to give unpredictable results at some time; not a problem if you've accepted the first point and are prepared to correct data and assist the user.

Third issue is actually the same as the second but worded differently.


Unfortunately, the testing fraternity seems to get stuck in just measuring the extent to which a system meets requirements; organisations which are a little more developed ask testers to review requirements, but only to see if they are clear and unambiguous. The real talent of an experienced tester is to think of and explore many different ways in which things can go wrong, whether by human or automated actions and interactions, and a tester should be able to advise on how to circumvent the silliness; but of course, testers need the skills to analyse more than just code or designs, and organisations need to listen.

On the bright side, this provides opportunities for testers, analysts, designers and coders who can think further than the bobbified consultancies and thereby justify decent rates way above the 10 dollar per day plenty cheapness.

[mudskipper]

Oh dear, what can the matter be?
k2p2's flushed down the lavatory.
Paid to pee not assault & battery,
The sensor didn't know she was there.

Went in, unlocked, sat down too hastily:
Reading council's upgraded them latterly
I do hope it wasn't too splattery!
Shame that the queue didn't care.

Next time, k2p2 wants to do a pee,
Or do number twos and sit quiet for minutes three:
Number one, lock the damn door behind thee...
Or take towels and go in bare!

I've never been serenaded before - I think I'm in love.

[RichardCranium]

Oh dear, what can the matter be?
k2p2's flushed down the lavatory.
Paid to pee not assault & battery,
The sensor didn't know she was there.

Went in, unlocked, sat down too hastily:
Reading council's upgraded them latterly
I do hope it wasn't too splattery!
Shame that the queue didn't care.

Next time, k2p2 wants to do a pee,
Or do number twos and sit quiet for minutes three:
Number one, lock the damn door behind thee...
Or take towels and go in bare!

[d000hg]

Nice counterpart to the infamous Trojan coffee pot story.
Also very lucid writing for someone with no coffee, or was that written after you obtained a replacement?

It's also pretty reminiscent of Stallman, though it appears in your case nobody had the nous to hack the machine for free coffee

[Wodewick]

Poor k2p2

ROFPML x 10

<cough> Errr Yeah poor k2p2 <splutter.... snort.... tears streaming down face>

[Zippy]

Poor k2p2

[xoggoth]

It must have been much better in the old days when you could just employ some ghastly common person to do your crapping for you. Damn socialism has a lot to answer for.

[mudskipper]

In the old days, when using a public lavatory, you'd go in, do your stuff, operate a lever to flush, operate a tap and soap dispenser to wash your hands, then press a button to dry your hands.

There's some shiny new stainless steel auto-loos in Reading. Must have hit car park rush hour, because there was a fair old queue. Lit up buttons on the outside indicating occupancy status, including a flashing light for 'cleaning' when lots of swishing watery noises come from the space within.

Waited my turn, went in, did my stuff, following which the loo flushed itself. Waved my hands in the sink thing and soap and water were dispensed. Was just waiting for the hot air when the bloody thing went into cleaning mode - jets of water squirting across the floor and down the walls. Emerged rather wet and cursing like a navvy to much merriment from the waiting queue. Apparently I had failed to engage the lock correctly, so, having found itself unused for 3 minutes, it had decided to have a quick sluice down. You'd think, that the sensors to operate the flush and sink might have given it a clue that someone was in there, but I guess the use cases didn't cover failure to lock the door properly.

[xoggoth]

On 1 channel it still shows the storage tank that belongs to the brickworks at the bottom of the road but ok on another.

PS IIt is in the shed looking out of the window, why would I want to sit looking at my shed?

PPS Oh alright, it's a fair cop. I just love staring at my collection of old screws and washing machine bits in the shed.

[DaveB]

How long before Al Quaida hacks into the factory computers that program the firmware of machines like this? How long before somebody gets attacked by a dishwasher?

It's already happening

[xoggoth]

How long before Al Quaida hacks into the factory computers that program the firmware of machines like this? How long before somebody gets attacked by a dishwasher?

[DaveB]

Two things strike me about this.

1. What a cack-handed way to run a coffee machine, the bank transaction charges probably cost more than the coffee.

2. How hard would it be to surreptitiously whack a little bit of custom hardware in the line to return the appropriate approval. I'm sure there is a lizard around here somewhere who could help.

3. Whats the betting that the coffee machine is not in fact running 3DES or some similarly strong encryption routines meaning that the bit of kit from 2. could also be used to harvest card details.

Ok that's three, but the third one came to me as I was writing number two.

[Mich the Tester]

The main thing that this thread highlights is peoples over-reliance on technology.

It breaks and you're f**ked.

So Mich, are you still without your coffee or have you a plan "b"?

Plan B has already been in operation; a rather nice Viennese coffee house (yep, the owner's from Vienna) just down the road.

Coincidentally, he had Ultravox on the stereo.

I think however, that I might be up for a Nobel Prize for Physics. Given that the coffee machine is reliant on semiconductors for the serving of coffee, and that's all quantum physicsy type stuff, I think I've found a new variation on Heisenberg's uncertainy principle. Indeed, I may also have discovered a new principle that would astound even Schrödinger, he of the feline in the box. Today a long procession of highly educated people, many with higher degrees in the sciences or technological subjects, have stood in front of the machine and pondered 'will it give me coffee or not?' I shall call this new principle 'Mich's Clientco Coffee Machine'. Not quite as poetic as 'Schrödinger's Cat', but at least as mysterious.