Reply to: FFS - how do I deal with this one

[Brussels Slumdog]

My Plumber is not on the bench

A smart builder will always make more dosh than a smart contractor.

That's all you need to say.

Hard talking is required
My Plumber charged me €220 for about 2.5 hrs work.(No replacement parts)
He does not rely on Pimps to work.
My hot water system and toilet doesn't take any notice of the financial
crisis
My Plumber accepts cash and doesn't need to stay in hotels and catch flights.

[lukemg]

Sounds like Bro knows what you earn, which can cause some resentment and this might be a way to have a dig, some people can't help themselves.
I wouldn't advise ANYONE to consider IT for a career unless it really was something they loved doing. It is unreliable, subject to rapid change that can mean everything you have spent years learning is virtually worthless. Look at support and now coding, it's gone or going.
Bit of hard work could be the making of your lad, will appreciate what it takes to get some money and if he matures and develops some ambition and has the capability, then he will make something out of it, or change course.
Last thing he needs is to feel he is second rate and that the world owes him a living, life will turn out disappointing for the many who think that.
I wish I had a trade to fall back on and build a business around !!
I would have a quiet word with bro, talk down what you do, emphasise fragility, rapid changes that mean a very different picture in 10 years, let alone 20 and ask him to not undermine your lad while he finds his feet.

[DaveB]

Thanks guys, I got it now.

Next time we are sitting around, at an aged aunts funeral probably, I will steer the conversation this way ....

Nosey Brother 'I dont understand why you have xxx sweeping up and carrying hods at £150 a week when he could be sitting in a nice warm office with you, earning £300 a day'

other aged aunts not sagely, whilst dunking their cream biscuits in their tea

EO 'You are only saying that because you have been sh@gging my wife while I have been working away'

Undertaker (surveying the cardiac carnage) 'mmm that'll be three more funerals then'

Just make sure you get commission from the undertakers.

[EternalOptimist]

If yours is anything like mine, your scouse family has a dominant (elderly) alpha female who usually stamps hard on troublemaking young cubs. Let her know about brother's interfering and he'll know better than to ever mention it again.

maybe I am trying too hard to keep things together. I just get the feeling that if we get estranged now, it will be forever

and that would be sad

[SizeZero]

If yours is anything like mine, your scouse family has a dominant (elderly) alpha female who usually stamps hard on troublemaking young cubs. Let her know about brother's interfering and he'll know better than to ever mention it again.

[Pondlife]

Thanks guys, I got it now.

Next time we are sitting around, at an aged aunts funeral probably, I will steer the conversation this way ....

Nosey Brother 'I dont understand why you have xxx sweeping up and carrying hods at £150 a week when he could be sitting in a nice warm office with you, earning £300 a day'

other aged aunts not sagely, whilst dunking their cream biscuits in their tea

EO 'What you asking me for, he's your fcking kid anyways ya bast*rd'

Undertaker (surveying the cardiac carnage) 'mmm that'll be four more funerals then'

Fixed (but not implying it's in anyway true)

[Not So Wise]

How do I tell him to fck off, without telling him to fck off ?

Is he your boss?
Do you owe him a lot of money?
Does he have decent blackmail material on you?

If answer to all of the above is no, then just tell him to mind his own bloody business and to feck off

[EternalOptimist]

Thanks guys, I got it now.

Next time we are sitting around, at an aged aunts funeral probably, I will steer the conversation this way ....

Nosey Brother 'I dont understand why you have xxx sweeping up and carrying hods at £150 a week when he could be sitting in a nice warm office with you, earning £300 a day'

other aged aunts not sagely, whilst dunking their cream biscuits in their tea

EO 'You are only saying that because you have been sh@gging my wife while I have been working away'

Undertaker (surveying the cardiac carnage) 'mmm that'll be three more funerals then'

[Pondlife]

Well he has an interest in the PS games, and probably other stuff, but only as a user. We get on very well, go camping a few times a year, I took him to Norway and Italy and to see Pink Floyd, so yeah, I teach him stuff and we get on fine.

My brother live on the other side of the country, so I dont think he has been porking the missus, but thanks for planting the seed

That's what she said.


IGMC

[cupidstunt]

My brother live on the other side of the country, so I dont think he has been porking the missus, but thanks for planting the seed

As long as he hasn't been you'll be fine

[EternalOptimist]

Does your son have any interest in IT EO?

have you ever sat with him and taught him anything? or do yous not have that kind of relationship?

I must admit, if I had a kid, I'd be teaching them this stuff from a very early age - it's such a great earner.

But if you haven't, that doesn't make you a bad dad. Unless you just ARE a bad dad, and your brother has watched you work away for years neglecting your family? I'd check with the wife that he hasn't been looking after her needs while you've been away too?

Well he has an interest in the PS games, and probably other stuff, but only as a user. We get on very well, go camping a few times a year, I took him to Norway and Italy and to see Pink Floyd, so yeah, I teach him stuff and we get on fine.

My brother live on the other side of the country, so I dont think he has been porking the missus, but thanks for planting the seed

[d000hg]

If he's not good at things like maths and science at school, being a software guy sounds a bad route. Just like some people can try hard but never really get a natural feel for plastering and always take ages to do a bad job (raises hand), others aren't cut out for IT type stuff. If your son is in that group he could maybe get a job in IT, but he's probably not going to raise fr up the ladder, nowhere near "megabucks".

EO are you actually a contractor or running a 'real' business? If the former tell your brother it's a business for tax reasons only, and you're basically an employee

[Pondlife]

Does your son have any interest in IT EO?

have you ever sat with him and taught him anything? or do yous not have that kind of relationship?

I must admit, if I had a kid, I'd be teaching them this stuff from a very early age - it's such a great earner.

But if you haven't, that doesn't make you a bad dad. Unless you just ARE a bad dad, and your brother has watched you work away for years neglecting your family? I'd check with the wife that he hasn't been looking after her needs while you've been away too?

I don't know if that's a or a but I think I'll go with

[DaveB]

If he' stuffed up his exams his chances of getting into IT now are pretty minimal. Even the entry level stuff, that hasnt been offshored, is asking for a relevent degree.

If he's happy doing what he is doing and is prepared to put some graft into it and learn a trade then he'll do just as well, if not better, than he would in IT in the long run.

Tell your brother to wind his neck in.

[SallyAnne]

Does your son have any interest in IT EO?

have you ever sat with him and taught him anything? or do yous not have that kind of relationship?

I must admit, if I had a kid, I'd be teaching them this stuff from a very early age - it's such a great earner.

But if you haven't, that doesn't make you a bad dad. Unless you just ARE a bad dad, and your brother has watched you work away for years neglecting your family? I'd check with the wife that he hasn't been looking after her needs while you've been away too?