Originally posted by xoggoth
View Post
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Reply to: Pets see everything
Collapse
You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:
- You are not logged in. If you are already registered, fill in the form below to log in, or follow the "Sign Up" link to register a new account.
- You may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system?
- If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.
Logging in...
Previously on "Pets see everything"
Collapse
-
Originally posted by xoggoth View PostA foul mouthed bird. Maybe I'll get one, we'd be great company.
Leave a comment:
-
Originally posted by OwlHoot View PostThe snag with parrots is that they tend to bond with one person to the exclusion of all others, or so I've heard.
So if you're not living alone then chances are they will fall in love with your OH, or presumably whoever is around them the most or feeds them, but screech with hatred at anyone else and try and take a chunk out of them each time they venture within pecking range!
Shame, they look terrific fun if you put the time and effort in to keep them entertained.
Leave a comment:
-
They most certainly do. Happened to me...
A couple of years ago I was browsing in a pet shop and saw a parrot sitting on a little perch but it didn't have any feet or legs. I happened to say "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," I replied. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" I ask, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my penis around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," I said. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the £2000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for £20; just make the owner an offer!"
I offered £20 and walked out with the parrot.
Weeks went by. The parrot was sensational. He had a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. I was delighted.
One day I came home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," ! and motioned me over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" I asked
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" I asked incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
! "NO!" I exclaimed. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
I was frantic at this point, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"Last edited by northernladuk; 20 July 2017, 16:04.
Leave a comment:
-
The snag with parrots is that they tend to bond with one person to the exclusion of all others, or so I've heard.
So if you're not living alone then chances are they will fall in love with your OH, or presumably whoever is around them the most or feeds them, but screech with hatred at anyone else and try and take a chunk out of them each time they venture within pecking range!
Leave a comment:
-
If mrs bp killed me and the cats saw it, they would eat the evidence.
Leave a comment:
-
Pets see everything
Originally posted by SueEllen View PostThey live a long time, show signs of mental illness if not given enough entertainment/company ... and need larger cages than people realise.
But they do like a dance.
Leave a comment:
-
Originally posted by xoggoth View PostA foul mouthed bird. Maybe I'll get one, we'd be great company.
But they do like a dance -
Leave a comment:
-
Pets see everything
If you plan to kill or injure someone make sure your pet isn't around
linky
A woman has been found guilty of shooting her husband five times in a Michigan murder case apparently witnessed by a parrot.
Glenna Duram shot her husband, Martin, in front of the couple's pet in 2015, before turning the gun on herself in a failed suicide attempt.
The parrot later repeated the words "Don't shoot!" in the victim's voice, according to Mr Duram's ex-wife.Tags: None
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- Streamline Your Retirement with iSIPP: A Solution for Contractor Pensions Sep 1 09:13
- Making the most of pension lump sums: overview for contractors Sep 1 08:36
- Umbrella company tribunal cases are opening up; are your wages subject to unlawful deductions, too? Aug 31 08:38
- Contractors, relabelling 'labour' as 'services' to appear 'fully contracted out' won't dupe IR35 inspectors Aug 31 08:30
- How often does HMRC check tax returns? Aug 30 08:27
- Work-life balance as an IT contractor: 5 top tips from a tech recruiter Aug 30 08:20
- Autumn Statement 2023 tipped to prioritise mental health, in a boost for UK workplaces Aug 29 08:33
- Final reminder for contractors to respond to the umbrella consultation (closing today) Aug 29 08:09
- Top 5 most in demand cyber security contract roles Aug 25 08:38
- Changes to the right to request flexible working are incoming, but how will contractors be affected? Aug 24 08:25
Leave a comment: