Reply to: Urgently needed leaving speech puns :)

[BlasterBates]

After losing my job as a life guard I went to work as a Tailor, but sadly I didn't cut it.

[WTFH]

A wise man once told me that a good speech should be like a skirt.
Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to be interesting.


They say that life is like a box of chocolates, and so is this place. Some fudge, some fruity, but mostly nuts.

[BlasterBates]

after leaving the TV repair shop I joined the navy, but I was all at sea and left soon after. My experience in the Navy got me my next job as a life guard in a swimming pool, but unfortunately I was out of my depth.

[pjclarke]

As PT Barnum said when his human cannonball resigned, 'it will be hard to find someone of the same calibre'.

[BlasterBates]

...after I left the greengrocers due to the celery dispute, I went and worked for an optician, but we didn't see eye to eye, but then I managed to get a job for a TV and Radio repair shop, unfortunately that didn't last long as we weren't on the same wavelength....

[northernladuk]

This is the second time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand. Last time I earned 80 quid for it.

[LucidDementia]

Well aren't you a special snowflake then

Only when compared to the likes of you.

[Pogle]

I find public thankings aren't something I choose, rather they are thrust upon me.

Well aren't you a special snowflake then

[Snarf]

While I've been here I've earned <insert figure permies can only dream of>. No need for anything further as they'll probably kick you out at that point.

Keep a timer running and tell them how much you'll be invoicing for making your goodbye speech?

[LucidDementia]

I am adorable and get on very well with everyone I work with. I just don’t think I need to be publically 'thanked'.

I find public thankings aren't something I choose, rather they are thrust upon me.

[Pogle]

WTF. Are leaving speeches inside IR35 now?

I'm not sure how you carry yourself but when I'm leaving somewhere people are going to miss me, and I them.
I have often been given a bottle of Gin and a bit of a talk-up send off, to respond with "cheers, laters" followed by a run for the door wouldn't be very polite now would it?

I feel in all working environments it is deeply important to realise they're not resources, they're human beings.

I am adorable and get on very well with everyone I work with. I just don’t think I need to be publically 'thanked'.

[LucidDementia]

WTF is a leaving speech?

I shake hands, say goodbye pick up my stuff hand in my badge and go out of the door.
I dont do cards, gifts or speeches.
I'm a contractor FFS not a permie

WTF. Are leaving speeches inside IR35 now?

I'm not sure how you carry yourself but when I'm leaving somewhere people are going to miss me, and I them.
I have often been given a bottle of Gin and a bit of a talk-up send off, to respond with "cheers, laters" followed by a run for the door wouldn't be very polite now would it?

I feel in all working environments it is deeply important to realise they're not resources, they're human beings.

[Pogle]

WTF is a leaving speech?

I shake hands, say goodbye pick up my stuff hand in my badge and go out of the door.
I dont do cards, gifts or speeches.
I'm a contractor FFS not a permie

[NotAllThere]

Not a pun but worth an airing, with apologies to A.J.Rimmer: "Over the months of this project, I've come to regard you as people I met"

[LucidDementia]

and you will all agree, most of my work is outstanding

Gold.