Top 10 Fringe jokes

[NotAllThere]

I wrote a script based on puns - but people just thought it was just a play on words.

[LondonManc]

'Hans-fee' gag ist gestolen:

Comedian claims best Fringe gag 'was my joke first' - BBC News

I'm not bitter, I just want to moan like **** about it. So, bitter then.

[VectraMan]

'Hans-fee' gag ist gestolen:

Comedian claims best Fringe gag 'was my joke first' - BBC News

[FatLazyContractor]

No thank you. I prefer Sickipedia

[unixman]

Number 4 the wittiest.

[Dactylion]

What's happened to Tim Vine? He usually wins these things.

They have realised he is a twunt..........

[LondonManc]

Number 7 would be perfect in the style of Sean Lock

[mudskipper]

4. Masai Graham: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

Made me chuckle

[northernladuk]

I can't believe the Kardashian one is original. Some good uns there though.

[LondonManc]

Whenever I hear fringe now, I think of Snatch....

Brick Top: "Listen, you f***ing fringe, if I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not. You stop me again whilst I'm walking, and I'll cut your f***ing Jacobs off".

Funnily enough, cockney rhyming slang from Edinburgh Fringe

[VectraMan]

What's happened to Tim Vine? He usually wins these things.

[stek]

Stewart Francis? Is he still going?

Remember him on Crackerjack.

Bolton's finest...

[Gumbo Robot]

loved number one


and honorable mentions




which order would you put them in?

Stewart Francis? Is he still going?

Remember him on Crackerjack.

[vetran]

1. Darren Walsh: I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free.

2. Stewart Francis: Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse … but enough about Kanye West.

3. Adam Hess: Surely every car is a people carrier?

4. Masai Graham: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

5. Dave Green: If I could take just one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t go.

6. Mark Nelson: Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.

7. Tom Parry: Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day.

8. Alun Cochrane: The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.

9. Simon Munnery: Clowns divorce: custardy battle.

10. Grace the Child: They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for.

loved number one


and honorable mentions

Jenny Collier: I never lie on my CV, because it creases it.

Ian Smith: If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Tom Ward: I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.

Gyles Brandreth: Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I’m reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It’s someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.

Ally Houston: Let me tell you a little about myself. It’s a reflexive pronoun that means “me”.

James Acaster: Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it. Should’ve been called Look Who’s Hawking, that’s my only criticism.

which order would you put them in?