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Top 10 Fringe jokes

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    Top 10 Fringe jokes

    1. Darren Walsh: I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free.

    2. Stewart Francis: Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse … but enough about Kanye West.

    3. Adam Hess: Surely every car is a people carrier?

    4. Masai Graham: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

    5. Dave Green: If I could take just one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t go.

    6. Mark Nelson: Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.

    7. Tom Parry: Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day.

    8. Alun Cochrane: The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.

    9. Simon Munnery: Clowns divorce: custardy battle.

    10. Grace the Child: They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for.
    loved number one


    and honorable mentions

    Jenny Collier: I never lie on my CV, because it creases it.

    Ian Smith: If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

    Tom Ward: I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.

    Gyles Brandreth: Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I’m reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It’s someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.

    Ally Houston: Let me tell you a little about myself. It’s a reflexive pronoun that means “me”.

    James Acaster: Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it. Should’ve been called Look Who’s Hawking, that’s my only criticism.

    which order would you put them in?
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    #2
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    loved number one


    and honorable mentions




    which order would you put them in?

    Stewart Francis? Is he still going?

    Remember him on Crackerjack.

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by Gumbo Robot View Post
      Stewart Francis? Is he still going?

      Remember him on Crackerjack.
      Bolton's finest...

      Comment


        #4
        What's happened to Tim Vine? He usually wins these things.
        Will work inside IR35. Or for food.

        Comment


          #5
          Whenever I hear fringe now, I think of Snatch....

          Brick Top: "Listen, you f***ing fringe, if I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not. You stop me again whilst I'm walking, and I'll cut your f***ing Jacobs off".

          Funnily enough, cockney rhyming slang from Edinburgh Fringe
          The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

          Comment


            #6
            I can't believe the Kardashian one is original. Some good uns there though.
            'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

            Comment


              #7
              4. Masai Graham: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
              Made me chuckle

              Comment


                #8
                Number 7 would be perfect in the style of Sean Lock
                The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by VectraMan View Post
                  What's happened to Tim Vine? He usually wins these things.
                  They have realised he is a twunt..........

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Number 4 the wittiest.

                    Comment

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