Reply to: Whinging dear wife

[suityou01]

Who wears the trousers in your house?

[DaveB]

Personally I find the no-stress, no 360 reviews, no politics world of contracting far more pleasant than being a permie...

And the money is better too...

WES +1

MrsB moans like mad when I get a contract that means working away, but once we get into the routine it works out pretty well. Coming off the back of the best part of a year working from home almost exclusivly I think we are both glad of the break with the new gig

[eek]

Quite so. I didn't mean to imply that you would split up over it; but it will be a continuing source of stress if you don't resolve it.

Personally I dearly wish that I had taken the lower-stress, better-life, lower-income more often.

Personally I find the no-stress, no 360 reviews, no politics world of contracting far more pleasant than being a permie...

And the money is better too...

[expat]

The time to discuss what they want from life is before they got married. The solution is to communicate and work things out, not go "oh well, we'd better split up".

Quite so. I didn't mean to imply that you would split up over it; but it will be a continuing source of stress if you don't resolve it.

Personally I dearly wish that I had taken the lower-stress, better-life, lower-income more often.

[suityou01]

Have "Angry sex" to sort it out?

[d000hg]

I've never said it's his wife fault. All I am saying is that they both need to question exactly what they want. Some people want a certain STANDARD of life and some want a certain QUALITY of life. I've come to see that the 2 are not always the same, that's why it's important for them to communicate and determine if they want the same things.

The time to discuss what they want from life is before they got married. The solution is to communicate and work things out, not go "oh well, we'd better split up".

[expat]

You probably need to discuss the options, and try to come to agree on the right balance between income and time together.

If on her side there is no question of balance, you may be in trouble. In my case this was so, and any attempt to point out the trade-off simply led to an accusation that it was my fault for not having a normal career, where I could expect to earn well while working close to home.

She couldn't choose between my income and my presence, and in the end has neither.

[original PM]

IIRC, his wife is unwell, making staying away not an option.

well that probably makes things different...

the OP seemed to make out she was a bit of a whining gold digga.

[mudskipper]

IIRC, his wife is unwell, making staying away not an option.

[FatLazyContractor]

(Says the 3 nights away from home contractor whose partner is a gem, whom I miss greatly..)

Guess that's the plus point for your partner?

[DaveB]

.

(Says the 3 nights away from home contractor whose partner is a gem, whom I miss greatly..)

WCS + 1 (and the rest)

[eek]

Mrs V had a moan this weekend as I had a final test for a data load and on Friday one of the grown ups changed all the parameters and I had to rewrite and re test all the extracts, Sunday morning was hunched over a computer. Ishe had other things planned which I couldn't do.

now we had words and it was all resolved in minutes now if you can't get to that you have a problem. Key thing is to get her to understand is that your work life underpins her lifestyle.

If she wants to change it she either needs to get a job that pays enough that you can take a less demanding job or she cuts her cloth so she can live on what you can earn locally. Mrs V sometimes forgets this.

Either that or she needs to make it work, that's her part of the partnership.

This but also

Another option is to stay away a couple of nights so that you don't begrudge having to drive home, but get to enjoy the time you do spend there. Going home just for the sake of it isn't necessarily the best option.

This as I do it when working in Leeds. Its commutable but the drive by the time you add on the road works makes it hard work. A day or 2 where you can work late (keep client happy) and have a lie in while also getting in earlier means you can leave that little bit earlier on the other days having had a decent nights kip the day before...

And if you shop around and ask directly you can often get places for peanuts when you take into account the fuel savings, a travelodge in Leeds was max £20 a night above what the fuel cost)..

Yes I'm renowned as a cheapstake when staying away by myself for a single night.

[vetran]

Mrs V had a moan this weekend as I had a final test for a data load and on Friday one of the grown ups changed all the parameters and I had to rewrite and re test all the extracts, Sunday morning was hunched over a computer. Ishe had other things planned which I couldn't do.

now we had words and it was all resolved in minutes now if you can't get to that you have a problem. Key thing is to get her to understand is that your work life underpins her lifestyle.

If she wants to change it she either needs to get a job that pays enough that you can take a less demanding job or she cuts her cloth so she can live on what you can earn locally. Mrs V sometimes forgets this.

Either that or she needs to make it work, that's her part of the partnership.

[sirja]

Yes, obviously it's the wife's fault.

OTOH, maybe he should put his wife first. Of course he might be doing this TO put her first in his head but you have to work out what SHE considers to be important, not decide for her.

Another option is to stay away a couple of nights so that you don't begrudge having to drive home, but get to enjoy the time you do spend there. Going home just for the sake of it isn't necessarily the best option.

I've never said it's his wife fault. All I am saying is that they both need to question exactly what they want. Some people want a certain STANDARD of life and some want a certain QUALITY of life. I've come to see that the 2 are not always the same, that's why it's important for them to communicate and determine if they want the same things.

[TheFaQQer]

There is only one solution to this, configure your router to block mumsnet completely. You will then see a marked improvement in your relationship.

I think I'd be more worried about her access to tinder, fetlife and tumblr to be honest...