I got so drunk last night that I can hardly type

[chef]

i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

[TheFaQQer]

Or you could try pausing and reciting the lord's prayer. Yup, that's happened to me.

OMG.

Literally.

[cojak]

Or you could try pausing and reciting the lord's prayer. Yup, that's happened to me.

I'll bet that kinda killed the moment, eh?

[MaryPoppins]

I'll bet that kinda killed the moment, eh?

I think I got a headache pretty quickly after that

[Drewster]

Or you could try pausing and reciting the lord's prayer. Yup, that's happened to me.

For what we are about to receive may we be truly thankful........ or at worst not sadly disappointed... Amen

[doodab]

I think I got a headache pretty quickly after that

Not from banging your head on the headboard I'll wager...

[Zippy]

Or you could try pausing and reciting the lord's prayer. Yup, that's happened to me.

How do you find 'em?

[chef]

i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

[MaryPoppins]

How do you find 'em?

I really am starting to sound like I will only consider madzer's as potential beau's, aren't I.

[doodab]

"Every sperm is sacred"

Is a pot noodle actually genocide?