Grumpy old man

[NickFitz]

Earlier on this year I saw a car with the number plate 'BUG II'

It was on a Bugatti Veyron though so I let him off!

I once got passed on the M5 by a Hummer with the number plate G1RLS. I assume the owner couldn't find one that said W4NKR.

[NickFitz]

How do you know he accelerated to 45 in a 30 zone unless you did it too?

The number "45" was an approximation for illustrative purposes and should not be taken as a definitive measure of the velocity of the vehicle in question. He accelerated as he entered the 30 zone, but did not vanish in a burst of light as he entered warp; I estimated his new speed as being in the range from, say, 43 to 48mph.

[realityhack]

Stunted besuited little weasels who board the train carriage then push past the heavily pregnant/eldery woman to take the only free seat, then bury their nose in the latest free tabloid.

Chavs/chavettes/chavlings who jump onto any form of public transport and blare RnB from tinny little mobile phones.

Pram wielding psycho-mothers who practically run towards you pushing their little oiks, expecting you'll jump out of their way, apologise and offer to shine their shoes for them.

Briefcase wielding citiboyz who barge into everyone without a care in the world at railway stations.

Anyone who stops randomly to gaze blankly at something in the middle of a crowded street/entrance/exit to a station/escalators/doorway.

People who say 'turned out nice again' when it's pouring, or talk about the weather in any way whatsoever.

The gits behind those 'you have the chance to win £100,000!' letters from Littlewoods or some such.

Anyone who answers the phone at National Rail Enquiries and doesn't know what 'boundary zone 5' means, or know anything about the UK's geography/rail system.

All employees of Agros.
Ditto Dell.
Ditto any public sector workers who couldn't find snow in a blizzard.

[NickFitz]

Female Japanese tourists, about 5 foot tall, aged 20ish, walking three abreast down the pavement outside Leicester Square tube, each carrying an umbrella twice as large as they need, forcing you to choose between jumping in front of a speeding taxi or having both your eyes taken out.

[wobbegong]

Stunted besuited little weasels who board the train carriage then push past the heavily pregnant/eldery woman to take the only free seat, then bury their nose in the latest free tabloid.

Chavs/chavettes/chavlings who jump onto any form of public transport and blare RnB from tinny little mobile phones.

Pram wielding psycho-mothers who practically run towards you pushing their little oiks, expecting you'll jump out of their way, apologise and offer to shine their shoes for them.

Briefcase wielding citiboyz who barge into everyone without a care in the world at railway stations.

Anyone who stops randomly to gaze blankly at something in the middle of a crowded street/entrance/exit to a station/escalators/doorway.

People who say 'turned out nice again' when it's pouring, or talk about the weather in any way whatsoever.

The gits behind those 'you have the chance to win £100,000!' letters from Littlewoods or some such.

Anyone who answers the phone at National Rail Enquiries and doesn't know what 'boundary zone 5' means, or know anything about the UK's geography/rail system.

All employees of Agros.
Ditto Dell.
Ditto any public sector workers who couldn't find snow in a blizzard.

Good man RH. That's the spirit!!

Chavs/chavettes/chavlings who jump onto any form of public transport and blare RnB from tinny little mobile phones.

. . and since when was that crap "RnB" anyway.

Doctors receptionists who . . .
a) aks you why you want to see the doctor. (like they're fully qualified to assess your ailment)

b) answer your call with "just putting you hold for a minute"!! (Why pick up the f**king phone if you're not in a position to answer it?)

People who say 'turned out nice again' when it's pouring, or talk about the weather in any way whatsoever.

. . . or "hot enough for ya?" What does that mean? If you say 'No' that they can do something about it?

Pram wielding psycho-mothers who practically run towards you pushing their little oiks, expecting you'll jump out of their way, apologise and offer to shine their shoes for them.

. . . and "pram wielding psycho-mothers" who push their little darlings push chair off the pavement into the traffic in an attempt to get it to give way so they can cross. Use a zebra crossing, or alternatively contraception, you total ****s!

[wendigo100]

People who say Spag Bog - tells me all I need to know about them.

[realityhack]

When using the London Underground (Something I'm grateful I haven't had to do for over 2 years):

Those utter morons who stand there on the platform, rammed up against the doors when they open, who - like a row of thick planks - attempt to board the train through those trying to get off? I mean - wha??

People who huff and puff all the way to the platform, only to scream when they miss the train. (There's a train every 2 or 3 mins!)

People who don't know what 'Can you move down the carriage please' means.

In particular - the entire platform of complete wasters of oxygen (and those in the carriage) who failed to push the platform alarm when a young lad got his clothing caught in the doors, was dragged all the way down the platform, reaching 35mph as he was smeared along the inside of the tunnel from Stratford to Mile End (recounted recently by a mate who works there).

[Board Game Geek]

Doctors receptionists who . . .
a) aks you why you want to see the doctor. (like they're fully qualified to assess your ailment)

b) answer your call with "just putting you hold for a minute"!! (Why pick up the f**king phone if you're not in a position to answer it?)

a) Because they need to assess whether to give you an embargoed slot or ask you to call tomorrow. Also, you would not believe how many calls asking for the doctor don't need a doctor.

One of the surgeries I work for has a patient base of 15,000. They have 8 doctors always busy every day. Yet they still have 700 monthly DNA's (Did Not Attend) from people who book on the phone then didn't show.

So the reason the receptionist's ask is because if it's urgent, they *may* be able to offer you a slot, and b) All the General Population are idiots and they need to screen the timewasters.

b) Because it's better than just letting it ring and annoy everyone and also it lets the person on the other end know that they HAVE got through ok and will be dealt with shortly.

[wendigo100]

Men who p1ss on toilet seats

People who don't flush their sh1t away

Any New Labour politician

Pikies

[Zippy]

Grumpy Old Bat

People who amble through Victoria station during the rush hour with so much luggage they look like they are moving house

The District line

Project managers who call you darling in front of suppliers

Bus drivers who always (and I mean always) say 'I see you brought the weather with you'. Yeah mate that clouds been following me all day. I think it hates me.

People who ostentatiously pick their noses on public transport.

Suicide bombers.

And last but not least the lazy b'stard who leaves their half empty water bottle, newspaper and sweet wrappers on my train when there is a perfectly good bin 3 feet away

Thanks for this thread - I feel better now.