Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Pissed off with the mods on this site. Tried to post a Trans joke but it was deleted because it wasn't a joke.

But it identified as a joke!.

[vetran]

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."

Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"

Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend Miss."

[vetran]

The World Health Organisation advises people that turning their thermostat down by just 1 degree, reduces fuel bills by 10%. Brilliant.

I have mine at 30, if I dial down to 18 degrees, British Gas will be paying me!.

[vetran]

Don't want the neighbours thinking I'm rich...
'So I turned a few lights off '

[vetran]

I judged a trophy making competition the other day and it was awful. some of them were quite good but one guy had taxidermied the back half of a cat and put it on a shield. It was a cat ass trophy.

[vetran]

I just found an awesome new Playstation game.

It's called Kwazy Karting, and you get to drive the UK economy over a cliff edge!

[vetran]

My wife was very disappointed with the CD of classical piano pieces I bought her for her birthday

"But I'm positive I overheard you telling your sister that you wanted some Chopin" I said

"You idiot!" she puffed, "I said I wanted a new chip pan!"

[vetran]

Hey Siri why don't I have any luck with women?



I'm Alexa you idiot

[Paddy]

That's the last time I going to the hospital to give blood, so much bureaucracy and too many questions for just two pints; "Who's blood is it? where did you get? etc".

[WTFH]

A book has been written about the prime minister's time in office, apparently it's going to be out by Christmas, but I don't know is that the release date or the title?