I was begging my wife just for once to try anal.
"That's only for invited guests," she replied. "You'll have to use the cervix entrance."
"That's only for invited guests," she replied. "You'll have to use the cervix entrance."
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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -
As soon as I came in from work today my wife threw her arms around me and whispered in my ear, "I'm so glad you're home, my panties have been wet waiting for you all day."
"Oh, ****," I replied. "don't tell me the tumble drier has broken down again."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Pessimists die two years earlier than the average person.
I was hoping it would be more than that.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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The wife's just rung me, said she's filled the car up with petrol - as I asked.
Wants to know how to get back in without it gushing out as she opens the door.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Do you think that The Flat Earth Society is sick of two-meter social distancing?...
It must have pushed a few of them over the edge.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Eat out to help out
Went do Starbucks for a slice of cake earlier and got it half price
27.50Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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My 13 year old son said to me, "Dad, with all this conflicting information on social media, in the news and in the papers I'm getting really confused. I understand that some opinions are more valid than others but, with all the noise, all the time, how do you know what to believe, what to think?"
"That's easy, Son," I replied. "Your mother tells me."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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So,I was in the bathroom knocking one out into a padded mail bag, when the Wife said " you've been in there ages what are you doing?"
"Don't worry, love I'm coming in a Jiffy," I replied.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Cheer up everyone.
You’re all nearer to being a millionaire than either Elon Musk or Bill Gates.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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"What's the time?"
"It's a philosophical construct which Humankind has applied to the universe in order to explain the relationship between cause and effect."
"For goodness sake, Brian. If I had know it was going to be like this I'd never have agreed to become Mrs Cox."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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