After Putin summit, Trump faces humiliating deluge of abuse – but what goes on in his hotel room is his own business.
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…Maybe we ain’t that young anymore -
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5000 Men were surveyed as to why they like to receive oral sex.
1% Liked the warmth,
2% Liked the sensation,
3% Liked the eroticism,
And
94% Just liked the peace & quiet.“Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.”Comment
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An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"“Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.”Comment
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It's been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this;
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 The nanny of the neighbours complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.
8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what's going on.
8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter: "Certainly, if it's up your a***"
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist.
8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being handcuffed and taken to the police station in a marked van.
9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 A little-known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot.
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live
today.“Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.”Comment
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A couple's only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “Quickie” with their 8 -year old son in the flat, was to send him out on the
balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
‘There’s a car being towed from the car park,’ he shouted.
‘An ambulance just drove past’
‘Looks like the Anderson’s have visitors,’ he called out.
‘Matt’s riding a new bike!’
‘Looks like the Sanders are moving!’
‘Jason is on his skateboard!
After a few moments he announced,
‘The Coopers are having a shag!
Startled, his Mum and Dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out, ‘How do you know that?’
‘Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.’“Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.”Comment
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A patient is lying in his bed in the hospital with an an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,
"I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles but manages to mumble again,
"Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. She looks very closely and says,
"There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man struggles and pulls off his mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely.......
Are - my - test - results - back?"“Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.”Comment
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I am sending this message from hospital.
Its OK, don't worry the doctors say I'll be fine, but i must warn you - the Dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name !!!!!“Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.”Comment
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I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin.
3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!“Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.”Comment
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My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.“Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.”Comment
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