Please put more jokes here

[shaunbhoy]

I took my new girlfriend to meet my Dad. He whispered "Where the heck did you find her? She's cross eyed, bald, bow legged and she has no teeth!"

I said, "There's no need to whisper Dad, She's deaf"

[Grasser73]

I went to bed with a blind girl last night, and she said I had the biggest dick she'd ever laid her hands on

I said "You're pulling my leg"

[WTFH]

Text "STOP" to the bus driver to unsubscribe from your journey

[Soho]

The husband in a married couple kept farting horribly in bed, for years, it was terrible. His wife suffered greatly and kept nagging him to do something about his indigestion, often saying, “One day, Ronish Baxter, your horrible farting is going to force your guts right out!”

The husband only made fun of this feeling very macho.
Until one Christmas day the wife was gutting a turkey for Christmas dinner and had an idea… She took the intestines out and placed them quietly in her sleeping husband’s bed, under the covers.

She couldn’t wait for the husband to wake up – and sure enough, in about one hour, Ronish, all white and shaky, came down the stairs: “Mary, by Golly you were right! That horrible farting did force my guts out! But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, I set everything right again!”

[WTFH]

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta matches, his little face lit up when he tried to walk.

Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.

[WTFH]

I remember the first time I ever saw a Universal Remote Control.

I thought to myself, "Well this changes everything."

[anonymouse]

Roald Amundsen was a bi-polar explorer

He visited the south pole, then the north pole.

[TestMangler]

He visited the south pole, then the north pole.

It's all about the.......

[TestMangler]

...timing

[mudskipper]

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”