Cleaning out my attic yesterday and I found an old Commodore that's been there for years.
That'll teach him to go dancing on the ceiling!
That'll teach him to go dancing on the ceiling!
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“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain” -
BEER SNOBS. Save a fortune on "craft ales with citrus notes" by drinking a can of Fosters through a KFC wet wipe.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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I hold your hand in mine, dear
I press it to my lips
I take a healthy bite
From your dainty fingertips
My joy would be complete, dear
If only you were here
But still I keep your hand
As a precious souvenir
The night you died I cut it off
I really don't know why
For now each time I kiss it
I get bloodstains on my tie
I'm sorry now I killed you
For our love was something fine
And till they come to get me
I shall hold your hand in mine.
- Tom Lehrer…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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Make jam doughnuts less calorific by licking the sugar off them before consuming.…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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If you're a villain making a bomb, can I suggest using the same colour for all the wires.…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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One for Brillo
A man goes to see a wizard and says, "Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"May be" says the wizard, "Can remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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one for AssGuru
When I was in a mental hospital I used to write my name on the walls in tulip and run around naked with my underpants over my head.
If you think that was bad, you should have seen some of the stuff my patients did!Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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one for spooter
The Goal: Reduce UK binge drinking by half.
The Plan: Scottish independence.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Those Lidl bags for life are stronger than we thoughtAlways forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I got an odd-job man in.
He was useless.
Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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