Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Roger Moore
007 feet under

[vetran]

"Theresa May has arrived at Manchester children’s hospital to visit victims of the attack"

Have they not suffered enough?

[vetran]

I've decided to enter the TV singing contest for schizophrenics - The Voices

[vetran]

I saw my young daughter crying over her homework yesterday, I said:

"Talk to me baby, a problem shared is a problem halved."

Unfortunately her problem was fractions so she hadn't got a ******* clue what I was talking about.

[vetran]

My girlfriend is really kinky but really hard to understand.


She tells me that she is into donkey punching during sex, then freaks when I buy a donkey.

[vetran]

Little Johnny was sat in class, and the teacher called on him and said, "Johnny, could you use 'I' in a sentence please?"

Little Johnny began, "I is--"

"Little Johnny," said the teacher, "you've learned this by now, the correct grammar is 'I am'."

Johnny continued, "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."

[vetran]

I started dating this girl and she told me all her flatmate Lisa does is sit around all day drinking beer and watching movies.

I kind of felt bad for her.

Because now I'm interested in her flatmate.

[vetran]

sick

I have a new starter business idea that going to go viral. It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women.

I'm calling it: Cadaviar.

[vetran]

My wife told me she was leaving me because I was too clingy.
"Ok," I said, "I'll come with you."

[shaunbhoy]

What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.