for AtW
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
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So their nuts don't get wet!
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
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So their nuts don't get wet!
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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -
For MF
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.
“That won’t help you, Joe, you know?”
“Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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What's brown and sticky? A stick
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluffThe greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
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A terrorist attack has blown away two local houses, one made of straw and the other made of wood.
Police think that its probably a lone wolf.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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A penguin goes into a bar and says...has my brother been in?
Barman says...What does he look like????“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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Job interview in a psychiatry practice:
So you’re interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people?
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I’ve been on CUK for 5 years now.
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Very good, the job is yours.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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When questioned, 8 out of 10 women said that they would recommend Pantene shampoo. The other two screamed and asked me to get out of their bathrooms.The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
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Talking to a girl in the pub the other night.
"Apparently," I said, "making a girl laugh is the second best way of getting a girl to sleep with you."
"Ooh, what's the best?" she asked.
"Holding a knife to her throat while she signs the consent form," I said.
"Haha, you're so funny," she replied.
"That's a good choice, get your coat," I said.The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
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Better today I think.A bloke is rescued from a building fire and is admitted to hospital.
He says to the doctor "I have been here now for two weeks and all I'm getting is Haggis,Tatties and Neeps for every meal.
The Doctor says "What do you expect, this is the Burns unit"!Comment
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HELP police return lost house keys by attaching a keyring with details of your address and the times you're usually at home.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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