Please put more jokes here

[LondonManc]

I went to the library and angrily demanded to know why they didn't have the book on Liverpool fans rioting in Europe.
"It's not my fault," the librarian stammered.
"That's the one!" I said.

[vetran]

Me and my girlfriend tried role playing last night, we pretended that we were married.


So she went to sleep and I had a wank with a porno mag

[vetran]

Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that's ever served me.

With just the tip.

[vetran]

I was at my local brothel yesterday and I went into a room with a NLYUK.
I was just about to perform oral sex on her when I got quite a shock.
"Your pussy is very shiny and smells like bees wax" I said.
Apparently her last client was someone called Mr Sheen...

[vetran]

For WTFH

I shouted and screamed IT'S A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY and with tears streaming down my face swore to myself











"That's the last ******* time I visit a Thai brothel!"

[vetran]

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with herbs.

I don't believe her though. She's said this thyme after thyme and keeps on cumin back.

[vetran]

The wife saw an epic deal for a holiday somewhere exotic, with a unique middle eastern heritage and free sex for all visitors.

Turns out this was just a trip to Germany.

[vetran]

MF is so fat his gastric bypass caused a ten mile detour.

[LondonManc]

I'm not saying the missus enjoyed sex last night but she was wetter than Whitney's last spliff.

[WTFH]

What's the difference between an egg and a

...you can beat an egg.

Speaking of eggs, what's the difference between 3 eggs and me?

...3 eggs got laid in my garden today.