First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
My plumber's a bastard.
My plumber's a bastard.
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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -
Please put more jokes here
My wife has had so much cosmetic surgery that I've paid for, she's now my plastic bag for life…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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My mate Dave's always been the kind of bloke that gets stressed over everything, but lately he doesn't seem like he's got a care in the world.
"Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?" I asked him.
"I've hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me," he replied. "Only costs me a grand a week."
"A grand a week? How the hell are you going to afford that?" I asked.
"**** knows. That's his problem."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Can't work my wife out!
First she says ". Yes, fine have a tattoo ",
Now she's moaning about the kilted drummers & bagpipers marching in the garden..."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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The doctor told me , unless I stop drinking , I have only six months to live.
I've decided to go for the 1,820 pints.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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My wife has asked me to buy her clothes for her birthday. She said, "Make sure you buy them in a size 12."
I hope she likes her shoesAlways forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Who needs Amazon Prime for The Grand Tour when I can see May and Hammond cause a huge ******* crash in the Houses of Parliament.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Why can't Kim Kardashian find her asshole?
He's in hospital.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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for MF
I once used my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket.
I flashed them at the policeman and he walked off in disgust saying, "Jesus, you need to go on a diet mate."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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What is 6.9?
A really great thing ruined by a period.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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