Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most American in three weeks.

After three weeks the Syrians meet again at a McDonalds. The first Syrian makes his case for him being more American by saying: "Every day I have taken my son to softball practice and my daughter to ballet. I just purchased my first car and it is a Chevy El Camino. I've recently started listening to Toby Keith and Lynyrd Skynyrd and my favorite football team is the Dallas Cowboys. Beat that!"

The other Syrian simply replies with: "Get out of my country, you ******* towelhead."

[vetran]

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85.

That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

[vetran]

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."
So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.

They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Christians. The Rabbi listened, thought for a minute and then said "That's odd. I also sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."

So the three of them decide to go to Israel to find out what's going on over there. The arrive and go straight to the Western Wall to pray. They explain to God all about how they sent their sons to Israel as Jews and how the all returned as Christians."
There is a long silence, and then God begins to speak saying, "That's odd... "

[vetran]

for the Bremoaners

I regret joining the gym recently.

Leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds.


An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went to a bar.

They all had to leave because the Englishman wanted to go.

[xoggoth]

Best jokes for ages V esp the Israel/Christian one.

I actually don't know how to laugh but came close with that one.

[vetran]

Best jokes for ages V esp the Israel/Christian one.

I actually don't know how to laugh but came close with that one.

good to see they amused someone.

I laughed at the burglar one.

[vetran]

My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

[vetran]

one for MF

I find all these obese jokes horrible.

Don't you think they have enough on their plate?

[vetran]

My cousin's a lazy bastard - sits around all day doing **** all, drinking, surfing the internet for porn.Jeez, I wish I had an office job too!

[vetran]

I've just downloaded a copy of the Bible from the internet.

When I'd finished it said, 'Saved'.





When God created Adam and Eve, he spoke and said, "I have two gifts to give to each of you. First! One of you can have the ability to pee wherever ye shall please!"
Right away, Adam jumped up and said, "Oh! Me! I want that one!"
And God said, "But you haven't heard what the other gift is!"
And Adam said, "I don't care! I want that one!"
So, God sighed, "Fine. It shall be yours!"
God made it so, and Adam started jumping up and down and running all over the place and peeing wherever he wanted.
Then God looked at Eve and sighed, "I guess you're stuck with multiple orgasms."