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Please put more jokes here

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    We call my mate's new girlfriend Wales. Everyone's been there but no-one wants to go back
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      For Brillo

      If I wasn't meant to wear my Batman outfit, then you should have been more specific on 'wear black' in the funeral announcement.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        Maths works in mysterious ways. I mean -

        2x2 = 4
        1x1 = 1
        0x0 = a small brown square that can be added to a casserole. (Or a venue for a good night CUK version)
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          sorry a bit close to the edge but it made me laugh.


          I went for a sandwich today & said "Can I have black frog flavour please?"

          The guy said "We don't have black frogs in our Subway!"

          I thought 'I bet he's a Chelsea fan'
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            Again close to the knuckle:

            Skysports News are reporting Adam Johnson has put in a transfer request with the view to force through a move to Rotherham United
            Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
            I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

            I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

            Comment


              Me and the wife were talking yesterday when she asked me whether I thought Google would be male or female if it were a human.
              "Simple", I replied, "It would be a woman."

              "Why?" She asked.

              "Because you can't finish your sentence without it coming up with a different suggestion"
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                I asked the assistant in JJB Sports what a cricket box was.

                Apparently it's a piece of cheap plastic which men put their genitals in.

                So, a bit like Katie Price then.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I've got sore joints from all the martial arts I do on my commute to work.

                  Repetitive train ninjary.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000."

                    One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth." Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

                    Doctor: "This is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

                    The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

                    Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

                    The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
                    Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000."
                    Doctor: "But this is $500..."

                    Engineer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      Female Logic: Feminists looking for gender equality celebrating International Women's Day.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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