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Please put more jokes here

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    If you don't have a toilet, where do you put a Russian sh!t?

    In a poo tin.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      My wife posted a no make up selfie for breast cancer awareness.

      Simon Pegg has just been in touch, offering her a lead role in Shaun of the Dead 2.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        Turned my phone onto airplane mode 11 days ago and still no sign of it anywhere!
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          My blonde girlfriend has just been arrested for walking into Boots the Chemists, filling her pockets with Rimmel products and just walking out.


          She heard it was a make-up free day.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            I've just been to a ventriloquist's funeral - they sang the hymn "All Things Gright And Geautikal!"
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              My wife is always nagging me to stop and ask for directions, but I refuse.


              I can find her clit myself.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                Watching the live transmission from The House of Commons today reminded me of the constipated Chancellor of The Exchequer.
                He couldn't budget.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I took my best mate round to my house the other day.
                  My wife started screaming her head off at me while my mate just sat there and listened.
                  Where the **** have you been she said ive not had time to do my ****** hair and makeup, the dishes are still in the ****** sink, youve not walked the ****** dog, and dont think Im cooking you any ****** tea tonight
                  Finally she looks at my mate and says What the **** you brought him home for
                  Because hes thinking of getting married I replied
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    You can recognise if someone is having a stroke by asking yourself 3 simple questions..

                    1. Can the person smile?
                    2. Has their mouth or eye drooped?
                    3. Can the person speak clearly?

                    Well then, I guess Stallone is stuffed.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      and one for Mich

                      My wife and I are on the verge of splitting up because of my obsession for rugby.

                      But I have decided to give it one last try.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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