Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

"Schumacher showing signs of recovery" - BBC news

Reports say that while being transported to another room he tried to ram the bed in front out of the way

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Today is steak and blow job day.. or Friday for us married people

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Thousands of people scouring the globe tirelessly for a signal whilst mobile phones mysteriously ring out without answer, and still no rational explanation as to what the hell is going on.

Welcome to Vodafone.

[vetran]

Steak and Blow Job Day!

For lovers everywhere M&S are offering two 10oz mature rump steaks and a bottle of champagne for £10.

Hoping to corner the married market Lidl are doing 2 steak burgers and a bottle of Listerine for a quid...

[vetran]

The family of the PC World employee who was on Malaysian flight 370 are pleased that their son couldn't be to blame for the crash after an expert said it would take someone with technical expertise with computers to disable the onboard systems.

[vetran]

The BBC have announced a special new episode of Mr Benn.

"As if by magic, an undertaker appeared."

[vetran]

one for Scooter

I think the new shape pound coin is great. You'll be able to use a spanner to get one out of a Scotsman's hand.

[vetran]

There was a long line of Teddy Bears waiting to get Circumcised at the Clinic earlier.

Today's the Day that Teddy Bears have their Pricks snipped.

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Say what you will about Ryanair, but their tight fuel reserve policy guarantees a search radius of not more than 50 miles if one of their planes went missing.

[vetran]

I went on Google Earth for the first time today, as like most people I punched in the post code of my home address, with my wife looking over my shoulder I made a terrible mistake and zoomed in.

10 minutes later I had 6 extra jobs to do at the weekend.