Please put more jokes here

[FiveTimes]

An irishman is rowing a boat in a field of hay when another irishman drives past
and stops.
He looks at the irishman in the boat and says "Its thick tw*%ts like you that
give us all a ban name, I'd come over there and kick the f*&k out of you if I could swim..


I'm here all week...

[TheFaQQer]

I'm here all week...

That's what I used to think too!

[FiveTimes]

That's what I used to think too!

lol...

[Swiss Tony]

The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and at a cost of $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After a cost of $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Australians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of $75.46 and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.

[poser]

woman in a taxi lifts her skirt and says to driver
"can i pay with this?"
The cabbie looks at her p*ssy and replies:
"**** me, havent u got anything smaller????"

[FiveTimes]

An old man was sitting on a park bench. A teenager sits down next to him. He has spiked hair that was red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet.
The old man just stared.
Whenever the teen looked, the old man was staring.
Finally the teenager said sarcastically: "Whats the matter old boy, never done anything wild in your life ?"
So without missing a beat the old man replies "I got drink once and shagged a pea-c%*k, and I wondered if you were my son."

[FiveTimes]

The man prayer

Lord, before I lay down to sleep today,
I pray for a woman whos partially gay,

One who pretty, sexy, and bright.

One who fanny is small and tight

Oh send me a woman who goes like a train

Who swallows your load and wants it again

And as she prays with this in mind

She'd ask me to take her from behind

And when I was done I'd climb off and thank her

Until u can find her, I'll just be a w**ker

[FiveTimes]

Pavarotti bumps into Princess Diana in heaven.
He says to her "I hope I get a halo as big as your's"
To which she replies "**** off you fat c**t, this is a steering wheel"

[Money Money Money]

Driving to the office this morning on the M25 motorway, I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!
It scared me (and this coming from a bloke....) so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.

F***ing Women Drivers!!!!!!!


Sorry I know its sh1t but can't bare to see this post go off the bottom!

[wobbegong]

Driving to the office this morning on the M25 motorway, I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!
It scared me (and this coming from a bloke....) so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.

F***ing Women Drivers!!!!!!!


Sorry I know its tulip but can't bare to see this post go off the bottom!

Very good!