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Please put more jokes here

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    Internet Axioms

    1. Home is where you hang your @
    2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
    3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
    4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
    5. Great groups from little icons grow.
    6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
    7. C:\is the root of all directories.
    8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
    9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
    10. The modem is the message.
    11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
    12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
    13. A chat has nine lives.
    14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
    15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
    16. What boots up must come down.
    17. Windows will never cease.
    18. In Gates we trust.
    19. Virtual reality is its own reward.
    20. Modulation in all things.
    21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
    22. There's no place like home.com
    23. Know what to expect before you connect.
    24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
    25. Speed thrills.
    26. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      choke

      Two hill-billies from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm agonna go over there and help."
      He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no.

      With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        What's the difference between Stevie Wonder and Jeremy Forrest?
        .
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        Jeremy has only 1 fooked pupil.

        Comment


          Their hearts & minds follow.

          A man is walking through the mall with his teen-age son. The son is tossing a quarter up in the air and catching it between his teeth. On one such attempt, the boy fails to clamp down with his teeth and ends up getting the quarter lodged in his throat. As the boy begins to choke and wheeze the father panics and starts yelling for help.

          Not to far from the action is a man sitting at a coffee shop reading a paper and drinking his coffee, when he hears the fathers distressed cries he patiently puts down his coffee and folds his paper, he then walks slowly over to the boy and grabs him by the balls and squeezes the tulip out of them.

          The boy coughs up the quarter and the man catches it in his hand and proceeds to walk away with it, sitting back down to his coffee.

          The amazed father runs over and says Thank You Sir, you saved my sons life, are you a Doctor?

          No the man replies, I work for the HMRC.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            What do you call an Welsh farmer with a sheep under each arm?

            A pimp.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt. When they stop to rest,
              Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens.

              Buffalo come, Tonto says.

              How do you know that? asks the Lone Ranger.

              Ear sticky.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.

                "I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I'll have a basketball team!" said the Catholic.

                "That's nothing!'' said the Baptist. ''I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I'll have a football team!"

                "You both should be ashamed of yourselves!'' said the Mormon. ''I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  JD Sports are doing Jimmy Saville memorial tracksuits. They have an adult size top but you have to squeeze into kids' bottoms!!
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                  Comment


                    A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:

                    "My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firs time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting... just anyting you want, you say. Whatchou want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.

                    A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want... numba 69!" More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries... "You want... Beef wif Broccori?
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      A man goes to his Doctor
                      The doctor says "Sir you need to stop masturbating"
                      man asks the doctor why
                      The doctor says " So I can examine you"

                      Comment

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