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Please put more jokes here

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    'Doctor, I've got 5 penises'
    'How do your pants fit?' the doctor asks.
    'Like a glove'.

    There were three sisters named; Alice, Jenny and Fanny.
    One day, two of the sisters, Alice and Jenny, went shopping for shoes.
    The shop assistant measured Alice's feet first which were a size 7.
    Next she measured Jenny's which were a size 8.
    'You do have large feet don't you' said the shop assistant.
    'That's nothing', replied Alice 'you should see the size of our Fanny's'.

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      Two eggs boiling in a pan.
      One says, "I've got a huge crack."
      The other replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not f**king hard yet."
      "Wait, I still function!"

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        A blind man was out with his guidedog one day when he met an old friend in the street. He stopped for a moment to say hellow and the dog cocked it's leg and pissed on his shoes.

        The blind man reached into his pocket and pulled out a dog biscuit before feeding it to the dog.

        "Why did you do that?" asked his friend "Isnt that just going to encourage him?"

        "Maybe", said the blind man, "but I need to find his mouth so I can kick him in the arse."
        "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

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          When god created Woman he gave her three breasts but Woman was unhappy with this and asked God to remove the third one, so God did as she asked and gave it to her.

          "So what am I supposed to do with a spare tit?" she asked

          And God created Man.
          "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

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            Benny went to the viallge fete and while he was there he bought a raffle ticket. When the prizes were read out his ticket was chosen and he won a toilet brush.

            The next week his wife asked him "Benny, what did you do with that toilet brush you won in the raffle".

            Benny replied "I threw it out, I prefer the paper."
            "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

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              Stan was down the pub talking to his mate George.
              "George" he said " I think my wife has died."
              George said "What do you mean 'Think'?"
              "Well" says Stan, "The sex is the same but the dished are stacking up."
              "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

              Comment


                Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?

                It runs in your jeans.
                "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

                Comment


                  Q: What do you get if you mix Castor Oil and Holy Water?

                  A: A religious movement.
                  "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

                  Comment


                    What did the elephant say to the naked man?

                    What did he say?

                    He said, "It's cute, But can you really breath through that thing?"
                    "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

                    Comment


                      A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

                      The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."

                      So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

                      The drunk replies, "No". The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

                      He again pulls him out of the water & asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother? The drunk again answers "no".

                      By this time the preacher is at his wits end & dunks the drunk in the water again. This time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms & legs he pulls him up.

                      The preacher screams at the drunk, "For the love of God, man, have you found Jesus?"

                      The drunk wipes his eyes & catches his breath and yells back at the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

                      Comment

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