Please put more jokes here

[Colemanisor]

A London lawyer runs through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper .
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a London lawyer and is certain that he has a better education then any Glasgow copper. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow copper's expense!!

Glasgow cop says," License and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What for?"
Glasgow cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Glasgow cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."


The London Lawyer exits his vehicle. The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the **** out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

[Swiss Tony]

What's grey and can't swim?


A filing cabinet.

[Colemanisor]

A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors
running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape. The Rabbi looks up and says,







"Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to
start."

[ChimpMaster]

3 Men and a Lady

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "

She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, ****, Etc."

[Old Greg]

What does a walrus have in common with tupperware?




























They both like a nice tight seal.

[Lucy]

Two muffins in a tin, one says

'jeez, it's hot in here'

The other one says

'feck me! a talking muffin'

[The Lone Gunman]

Two parrots on a perch.
One says "Can you smell fish?"

[TheFaQQer]

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?".

Two parrots on a perch.
One says "Can you smell fish?"

There's an echo in here.

[daviejones]

There's an echo in here.

There's an echo in here

There's an echo in here

There's an echo in here

There's an echo in here

There's an echo in here

There's an echo in here

[TheFaQQer]

in here.