Things Contractors should know, research for articles

[vetran]

Hmmm

wouldn't make a smashing opening?

[doodab]

although Kirsty's version is the definitive version.

"it's wrong to wish on space hardware"

Classic line makes me laugh every time I hear it.

[Cliphead]

wouldn't make a smashing opening?

Not a bad song but I hate that guy's prissy voice, that alone's enough to reach for the bats.

[Troll]

Or agents calling you friday and saying 'Don't know SQL? - but you could learn it?' - Start Monday then....?'

AKA"the old days"

[SimonMac]

We have WGAS like footballers.

FTFY

[Zippy]

Or agents calling you friday and saying 'Don't know SQL? - but you could learn it?' - Start Monday then....?'

Aye, and you could leave the server room unlocked. We were rich but we were happy ...

Edit: I may have been a little harsh Dominic. Have you considered posting on Mumsnet? I think they may have a few contractors (certainly wives of contractors) on there. The "Am I Being Unreasonable" board seems to get a lot of traffic, but you might need this ---->

[Scruff]

My only comment to the OP:

Stay off the Meth...

[sasguru]

I'm slightly disappointed by the quality of abuse I've received from SueEllen, perhaps I could give some examples of abuse I have received and treasured ?

Professor Baroness Susan Greenfield, then Director of the Royal Institution, world authority on neurophysiology referred to me publicly as an "autistic Daily Mail reader"

Professor John Cleese called me a "Dick Head" in the filming of The 3rd Secret Policeman's Ball

Professor William Perraudin now of Imperial College asked me "wouldn't you be happier doing something you are good at ?" when confronted with a paper I wrote on economics.

Professor Nicholas Nassim Taleb, author of "The Black Swan" and various other tomes on the philosophy of probability called my view on the application of Goedel's Incompleteness theorem, "even by your standards, pathetically naive"

One illustration I did for an article on graphics benchmarks was called by Charles Maclellan, Art Director of PC Magazine "the worst image ever to appear on a computer screen" and was stuck up in the art department as an example of something that must never be done again. The BBC once ran a news time on sick images on the Internet that included one that was my face.

The Lord Commissioner for the Reduction of the National debt (yes that's a real job title), called one of my VBA macros "just tulip"

I've got plenty more.

I'm sure you have.
But I'm struggling to understand why this list of your undoubted incompetence is of interest?
Cretins are two-a-penny since the debasement of education started in the early 90s.

[Mich the Tester]

I'm sure you have.
But I'm struggling to understand why this list of your undoubted incompetence is of interest?
Cretins are two-a-penny since the debasement of education started in the early 90s.

It started before that. I did the very first GCSE Maths exam after O level had been abolished and will never forget the first question on the paper;

1. Write (i) three million and (ii) six hundred thousand in figures

[DaveB]

I feckin hate that song. Used to open a gig with the single playing on an old mono record player mic'd to the PA system. Halfway through the song the band would come on stage with baseball bats and smash the tulip out of it to cheers from the audience.