Who else here doesn't have children?

[Old Hack]

What do you do with that metaphor if you have more than one biological child? Who's first then?

You tell me your answer first please.

[formant]

You tell me your answer first please.

My point was, that I'd save the one that can't swim first or the most vulnerable. Just like parents of more than one biological child. Yeah, in my situation that happens to be my biological child, because she's 4.5 years younger than my youngest stepdaughter.

If my kid was a teenager and I'd have since entered into a new relationship with someone who brought in a toddler, I'd save the the toddler first.

I get what you're trying to say. I just don't think your metaphor works as well as you want it to work.

Let's put it into a different context - because as I said, I 'largely disagree', not entirely.
I have two stepdaughters and a biological daughter. I have a rather wealthy mother (my father is already dead) and I will be her sole heir. In my own will I intend to make sure that the vast majority of my mother's wealth is passed on to my daughter only, as my daughter only has me and my partner - my stepdaughters still have their biological mother to inherit from (albeit not that much).
Should their mother disown them however and completely disappear out of their life, I would ensure they inherit equally from me too (rather than just from their father). And I'd actually work hard to be the replacement parent, rather than just an additional parental figure.

I think the step-parental experience is very different, probably more intense when the kids no longer have any contact to the biological parent you're replacing.

[MyUserName]

I spotted 6 guys following me once when I was pushing my daughter home in a buggy. When I made eye contact with them I read in their body language that they were intending to jump me. The only thing I thought was that I did not know what they might do with my 2 year old daughter. I stood there staring at them and I knew that the moment they came close enough I was going to start eye gouging, biting, stamping etc until I eventually went down (I can fight but I doubt I can fight 6 people at once) - as long as I was capable of moving I would keep fighting. There was no conscious thought at all, defending my daughter to death was automatic.

I would do the same for my son ... I am not sure what I would do if I had to chose between the two of them.

[MaryPoppins]

What annoys me most is people assuming that my wife and I don't have kids through choice. Or when I tell them we can't coming back with assurances that we can, that things will just "work out" or take time. We wanted kids, but we can't. End of.

I'm sorry to hear that.

[Old Hack]

I spotted 6 guys following me once when I was pushing my daughter home in a buggy. When I made eye contact with them I read in their body language that they were intending to jump me. The only thing I thought was that I did not know what they might do with my 2 year old daughter. I stood there staring at them and I knew that the moment they came close enough I was going to start eye gouging, biting, stamping etc until I eventually went down (I can fight but I doubt I can fight 6 people at once) - as long as I was capable of moving I would keep fighting. There was no conscious thought at all, defending my daughter to death was automatic.

I would do the same for my son ... I am not sure what I would do if I had to chose between the two of them.

It's the ultimate dilemma really. Formant has it on the money that you would gauge which one was the most vulnerable, in that situation, and go for that one first. I suppose I am being a little disingenuous, as if I had a 3 year old non swimming step child and 10 yo swimming natural child, I'd go for the one most helpless, but if the two were non swimmers, the decision would be fairly simple to me.

I also think like you, you'd simply go down. I know for a fact, I would die trying to save them, and that's why you hear of parents, whose kids are drowning off beaches, going out into dangerous waters, knowing they have little chance of saving their kids, and little chance of their own survival. It's just something you do with your own kids. Not having step kids, I don't know if that particular bond exists

[MaryPoppins]

It's the ultimate dilemma really. Formant has it on the money that you would gauge which one was the most vulnerable, in that situation, and go for that one first. I suppose I am being a little disingenuous, as if I had a 3 year old non swimming step child and 10 yo swimming natural child, I'd go for the one most helpless, but if the two were non swimmers, the decision would be fairly simple to me.

Do you have step children?

[MyUserName]

I would guess that trying to imagine what it would be like to be a step parent when you are not is as difficult as trying to imagine what it is like to be a parent when you are not.

[Old Hack]

Do you have step children?

No MP, that's why I have always said 'I think' I would do this and I have openly said I cannot imagine the bond being similar. I have openly agreed that I don't know that aspect. But I still fail to see how you could have the same bond. I'e seen all of my kids from the moment they came into the world, vulnerable, helpless, and the look in their eye as they first spot you, well, it's natures own heroin. I cannot imagine a stepchild being able to replicate that moment, that bond.

But, again, I don't know, this is my opinion, based on not having them. I also counter people without kids can't know how it feels to have kids.

[EternalOptimist]

I have two step ladders, I have always longed for a ladder all of my own

[MaryPoppins]

No MP, that's why I have always said 'I think' I would do this and I have openly said I cannot imagine the bond being similar. I have openly agreed that I don't know that aspect. But I still fail to see how you could have the same bond. I'e seen all of my kids from the moment they came into the world, vulnerable, helpless, and the look in their eye as they first spot you, well, it's natures own heroin. I cannot imagine a stepchild being able to replicate that moment, that bond.

But, again, I don't know, this is my opinion, based on not having them. I also counter people without kids can't know how it feels to have kids.

Ok. Merely asked as I haven't opened the link to the other thread [cba reading through it] and wasn't sure.

My dad is my stepdad, but it feels odd saying that. He met my Mum when I was 3, and has bought me up as his own ever since.

I was small enough, I guess, for him to become part of my world very easily. He has 'accepted' me as his own daugter from then and ever since.

I suspect if you asked my Dad who he'd 'choose' [i.e. me, or my sister who came along six years after they met] he wouldn't have a clue at all. We might not be blood, but I'm his in the same way my sister is.

I do think however, a large factor in this is the fact my real father is not around anymore. If he was, perhaps we might all be more conscious of the fact that I'm the odd one out.