Who else here doesn't have children?

[Old Hack]

Ok. Merely asked as I haven't opened the link to the other thread [cba reading through it] and wasn't sure.

My dad is my stepdad, but it feels odd saying that. He met my Mum when I was 3, and has bought me up as his own ever since.

I was small enough, I guess, for him to become part of my world very easily. He has 'accepted' me as his own daugter from then and ever since.

I suspect if you asked my Dad who he'd 'choose' [i.e. me, or my sister who came along six years after they met] he wouldn't have a clue at all. We might not be blood, but I'm his in the same way my sister is.

I do think however, a large factor in this is the fact my real father is not around anymore. If he was, perhaps we might all be more conscious of the fact that I'm the odd one out.

I do think there are situations where I am wrong, of course I do, but generalising, I think it would be hard to.

Looking at your example, yes, but if you had your father about, and he was active in your life, then your stepfather possibly wouldn't have a bond with you.

I know it's a subjective position I hold, but, genuinely, I can't see how, if you are there form day 1, that you can have the same bond.

[MaryPoppins]

I do think there are situations where I am wrong, of course I do, but generalising, I think it would be hard to.

Looking at your example, yes, but if you had your father about, and he was active in your life, then your stepfather possibly wouldn't have a bond with you.

I know it's a subjective position I hold, but, genuinely, I can't see how, if you are there form day 1, that you can have the same bond.

Possibly not, and perhaps you're right. Each situation's unique I guess, because I didn't feel much of a bond with my baby son until he was around 2 years old. Spend a lot of time trying to make up for that, now of course.

[Old Hack]

Possibly not, and perhaps you're right. Each situation's unique I guess, because I didn't feel much of a bond with my baby son until he was around 2 years old. Spend a lot of time trying to make up for that, now of course.

I guess one can only talk of how they feel, from their own experience, which is why I have always said 'I think', 'I believe'. It's just something that I couldn't imagine I guess.

I bonded at different times with each one. During the second ones pregnancy, I worried how I could love #2 as much as I loved #1, it actually scared me, as I thought it a terrible thing to be thinking about, but it kept me awake at night, but then I watched her come into the world, and knew I would love her as much and do. Now I see them as three very different people, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, each their own nuances. Each make me proud in different ways.

I don't know. I guess it's just how I feel. Could be massively wrong.

[MaryPoppins]

I don't know. I guess it's just how I feel. Could be massively wrong.

Just your opinion; you're entitled to it.

[Old Hack]

Just your opinion; you're entitled to it.

Probably could position how I say things better though.

[gingerjedi]

.

Either way, I'm definitely not doing this whole pregnancy and birth thing ever again.

They all say that, early days.

[MaryPoppins]

Probably could position how I say things better though.

There's much bigger tossers here, you've no worries.

[formant]

Looking at your example, yes, but if you had your father about, and he was active in your life, then your stepfather possibly wouldn't have a bond with you.

Well, I'm the stepmom in a situation where the biological mother is still around, although she was largely absent/uninvolved for the first couple of years of the kids' life, until my other half left her. Since he left she decided to try and take the kids away from him (that being the only way to hurt him), so we fought long and hard in court and continue to do so to keep them living with us for at least half the time.

I have strong bond with those girls. They are a lot happier around me than they are around their mother (they frequently bite and hit her for example, which is something they never do at our house). However, knowing that I essentially have no claim on these girls - say if my partner passed away - means there will be some reluctance on my part to commit as much as I'm commiting to the wee one of my own.

I think this would change quite drastically if she wasn't around anymore (which given what she's put the children and us through (she's been rather violent towards my partner)), and as much as I would never want to be the woman that 'stole' another woman's kids, they'd be way better off without her. So yeah, it's not that there's no bond, there's already a very strong one, but it's still a different, more cautious one.

[Old Hack]

Well, I'm the stepmom in a situation where the biological mother is still around, although she was largely absent/uninvolved for the first couple of years of the kids' life, until my other half left her. Since he left she decided to try and take the kids away from him (that being the only way to hurt him), so we fought long and hard in court and continue to do so to keep them living with us for at least half the time.

I have strong bond with those girls. They are a lot happier around me than they are around their mother (they frequently bite and hit her for example, which is something they never do at our house). However, knowing that I essentially have no claim on these girls - say if my partner passed away - means there will be some reluctance on my part to commit as much as I'm commiting to the wee one of my own.

I think this would change quite drastically if she wasn't around anymore (which given what she's put the children and us through (she's been rather violent towards my partner)), and as much as I would never want to be the woman that 'stole' another woman's kids, they'd be way better off without her. So yeah, it's not that there's no bond, there's already a very strong one, but it's still a different, more cautious one.

Very different from the one you have with your own child.

Which is what I was suggesting.

[SimonMac]

Just your opinion; you're entitled to it.

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one but not everyone should share their's in public