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"We formally inform the White House and Pentagon that the ever-escalating US hostile policy towards the DPRK and its reckless nuclear threat will be smashed by the strong will of all the united service personnel and people and cutting-edge smaller, lighter and diversified nuclear strike means of the DPRK and that the merciless operation of its revolutionary armed forces in this regard has been finally examined and ratified.
"In other news, the 43rd Tokchŏn Tractor Manufacturing Collective has once again exceeded its quota under the Five Year Plan by a glorious 475,000%!"
North Korea warned last night it had ratified a “merciless attack” against the United States in a war which could start “today or tomorrow”.
US Defence Secretary Chuck Hagel said of North Korea: “Some of their actions present a real danger and threat to the interests of our allies, starting with South Korea and Japan.
“There have been threats the North Koreans have levelled at our bases in Guam and Hawaii. We are doing all we can to defuse that.
"I hope the North will ratchet this very dangerous rhetoric down,"
He added that there is a way to peace but only if Kim Jong Un decides to be "a responsible member of the world community."
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