Life is good when you dont have any kids

[shaunbhoy]

Then they turn into teenagers...

But they do come out the other side of that................patience ms.

[Grasser73]

Spare a thought for those who have "teenage" kids or autistic kids.

I have twins aged 10 - the boy is still a pleasure but my daughter is a huge pain.

My autistic son who is 5 wants nothing to do with me or his mother. We are just there to cook, clean etcetc. Any attempt to interact results in him pushing us away. On the plus side he is very happy. And we get to the front of the queues at theme parks. But I would rather have a child I can interact with.

If I had my life again I doubt I would have had kids. In fact given the choice I would have been born gay. Alas I cannot be without a woman's company or body.

I share your frustration and conclusions (except the gay bit) since I have the same issues with my daughter.
All of the disadvantages of having a child with none of the advantages.

[d000hg]

It's one of those things you don't know you've missed out on till you have it.
So it's a pointless argument.
Non-parents will never know what they have missed out on - and its not the sort of thing you can imagine, the feelings both positive and ocassionally negative are too intense.

Who hacked Sas' account, that's two constructive and reasonable posts in one day (the other about the foreigners being possible tourists)?!

Bad news being gay doesn't mean not having kids as some gay men adopt or use a surrogate mother.

Yes but you have zero chance of getting them unless it's a very conscious effort maintained through a long process.

[norrahe]

For you I am glad it is so, but that is not true for everyone

Why do parents assume that I am missing out as I don’t have kids?

WSS

My decision and I'm happy with it!

[d000hg]

WSS

My decision and I'm happy with it!

Mine too, but Sas' point that you can't be sure you wouldn't like it is probably true.

However I think that's a hell of a gamble to take with a child's life, that you probably won't begrudge their existance. Hence I don't want any.

[sasguru]

However I think that's a hell of a gamble to take with a child's life, that you probably won't begrudge their existance. Hence I don't want any.

Trust me, unless you have mental health issues, you never will.

[MyUserName]

I have two kids, one it almost four and the other is just passed his first birthday. I love having them, even though I thought I would not.

I love coming home from work and having my, mildly autistic, 3 year old daughter run over shouting 'daddy, I'm blue team!' whilst wearing a princess dress over the clothes her mother put her in and giving me a hug. It is often followed by her reciting a TV program she has watched as I carry her to the living room. My son is normally strapped into his chair in the kitchen whilst my wife is cooking dinner so he simply shouts "DAAA DAAAAAAAA" (which is pretty much all he can say but he is quite expressive with it) until I come into the kitchend and get him.

It is not a peaceful simple life. There are limits on what I can do in my spare time. I used to sword train twice a week (at least) and go to gym class 3-4 times a week as well as to the pub on Friday and Saturday - now I go training once a week if I am lucky and have to do all of my fitness and strength training in my lunchbreak. I am almost always tired as my son has trouble sleeping and has slept though the night exactly 5 times in 13 months. So by the evening I am normally too tired to read or do any coding so just zone out and watch TV. My weekends are not my own as everything needs to be based around the children and my daughter gets very upset if she does not have a plan of what is going to happen which makes things difficult if we need to change the plan at short notice as she will go mad.

However, I simply do not mind. I love them and all of this is simply part of life. I do not mind having to get up several times a night to comfort my son or, last week, having to spend 4-4.30 one morning cuddling my daughter because she had a nightmare. However, I understand people who would rather keep their lives simple.

[d000hg]

I saw a program/report a while ago that suggested it's more common than you might think, but parents feel unable to ever tell anyone because admitting your child isn't 100% wonderful and life fulfilling is such an incredible taboo.

Sadly I've no idea what the source was.

[escapeUK]

The things with kids is they become like your best friends.

I think that's a bit of wishful thinking, are you best friends with your parents? Once into teens parents are not cool and who wants to be even seen with them? lol

One of my close friends has just had their second child, so 18 months difference.

The 18 month old one just constantly runs around, is climbing up things. Husband was telling me he'd be glad to get back to work for some peace and quiet.

[NotAllThere]

For you I am glad it is so, but that is not true for everyone

Why do parents assume that I am missing out as I don’t have kids?

Because you are missing out on the experience of having kids. It's like I "missed out" on being childless in my 20s and 30s.

Then they turn into teenagers...

When my kids were approaching that age, we told them that once all the hormones started up, they'd need more sleep. They'd find it easier to get through their teens if they resisted the temptation to stay up late and went to bed at a reasonable time. If they did that, we told them they could stay in bed as long as they liked Saturday and Sunday (except for special occasions). We also warned them that at about 14-15 they'd feel their emotions extremely powerfully - but not to worry, it would pass.

Apart from that, we adjusted the rules of the house as they became older, allowing them more freedom, and treating them more and more like adults. As a result, we've not really had any problems.